A Momentary Lapse

Thursday, August 03, 2006

1st August 2006 - Tuesday - Cognitive Processes at a bus stop

Waiting isn't all that hard. You watch and observe your surroundings as the time passes by. Second by second, you slowly and carefully contemplate your next move. After a while, you begin to talk to yourself about how you feel and what goes on in your head. Is amazing what you can think of in that period of time. Your mind takes you on a drive through Memory Lane, passing those moments and recapping them, so you feel how you felt before.

Now, I don't know what to feel. If I should be happy or sad or even scared. Just waiting isn't doing any good about taking your mind off something. At this point, I'd rather be rejected than accepted, feel demoralised than anxious.
That's just it.

Anxiety.

The cause of worry, pain, displeasurable thoughts, overreaction and that raging stomachache. It bubbles and boild in your stomach and never stops until the moment's over. I never had the sense to be anxious when I'm with my friends no matter what I do. They make my day worth the "crime."

There's always the question of "What should I do?" or "What would I say?", but it never gets answered until its over. Thses questions, in all forms, churn over and over, waiting for the words to turn to curd.

Ah great. I lost my train of thought. I just laughed because someone didn't know the meaning of anxiety. We'll see if this portrays the feeling furled up inside. Again, anxiety returns to its domain. 74's here, or not.

It caves in and fills all emptiness, some idiotic thing nagging and jiggling at the back of your head. For example if you are in a dilemma to trust in yourself or conform to society.
Yes.
It is that feeling - one or worry.
Anxiety.
Thats what it is.

eliZABeth 2:52 PM