"Paul addressed five unique things believers could do: 1) Be obedient to their masters. They were to submit to their authority structures, 2) Be well pleasing in all things. This meant doing their work with excellence, 3) Not answer back. They were to handle conflict with wisdom and courtesy, 4) Not pilfer. They were not to steal, but model integrity, 5) Show all good fidelity. This meant demonstrating loyalty and dependability. "
Something said to me this week didn't feel so good but it was meant as a good intention, only I knew it was partially a bad thing. It went along the lines of me being affected by situations easily. Agreed. I only just realised that I really am affected rather easily. But besides that, what went down that VERY day was the thing that triggers me every time. Somehow, I don't know if its a habit of things being my fault and when its not my fault, my head says its not but my heart says it is. There are some things I want to post but I have 50% of the guts that would run into the middle of a lecture and scream. Not of fear that it would affect relationships, but of provoking people with what I say. It is not wise to say it here. But its inside me bubb-uh-bubbling up. I've spoken about it but it hasn't been resolved. Don't think it will anytime soon but I have faith it will be quenched.
That whole incident just made me feel less competent. Less of everything, like I shouldn't even bother next time instead of strengthening myself in God. I've been thinking about what happened and why I did it, and honestly, I see 2 scenarios that don't end very nicely either according to all the build-ups that surrounded the situation. And you know what? I still don't think its my fault. Convict me if it is, God. Strike me if you must. Do whatever it takes. I no longer care.
Its not your fault so please stop your crying now.
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