I'm in Paris with you

Relocating

2010-09-19T23:29:00.002+12:00

Hey everyone who's been visiting. I might post here occasionally but I'm relocating for a few reasons

#1 Starting a new life (sort of)

#2 Bored

#3 A blog with a network could help

So I'm currently @ zabblicious.tumblr.com

Yeah that's right guys. Visit me! :)

Also follow me on twitter @ZABBLES

or on facebook.

Love you all!

So long, farewell, Auf wiedershen goodbye...

Goodbye!

P.S. This blog is here for memory's sake. <3

An Engagement

2010-06-20T09:27:00.002+12:00

So, it looks like the last time I posted here, I was...single? haha.
My bad. I think its time for a change of scenery for a new "life".
I have so many things to do now its not funny.
Wedding planning here I come!

So the decision to migrate is a difficult one because html is difficult for someone who hasn't done it in 3 years.
And transitions, habit and all that.

But here's to married life and good bye singlehood cos

I'm in Paris with you.

Love,
ZAB

The End

2010-03-28T23:20:00.002+13:00

This just feels crazy.
Tell me if it is.

I want this all to be simple.
I walk away from things because I don't want to hurt people and I don't want to get hurt.
I want to know everything going on in the life of someone I care about, especially if I'm going out with that someone.
I want to spend every waking moment learning about him and spending time with him but I can't cos school keeps piling us with an unavoidable evil of homework or failure.

I'm just trying so hard to balance all of this but its not really working.
Travelling takes too much time without a car and I can't get where I need to when I want to.
This is completely stupid.
I guess I'll have to get used to late nights the next few days.
And also pretty emotional when I lack sleep but I guess I have to do it if I want to get stuff done.

Please God, help me get it done or I'll be screwed for all eternity.
I don't care if its crap work, I just need it to make sense in my head. That is all I need.

And help me guard my heart more.
Its too tender to toy with.
I cry easily.
Such a whimp.
Wuss.
Pussy.

I fail.

I love 2010!

2010-03-18T23:14:00.003+13:00

Great location for a wedding in rotorua! *hint hint*

Parachute! Our first real date + Underoath + Switchfoot!

US. <3

The awesomeness that is Paramore.

This is why 2010 rox muh sox.

Scotty Dawg <3

Paramore <3>

And I thought Jadyn's a pretty cool name for a girl.

I think.

And he can name the boy, just not Xerces.

I love 2010.

Parents.

2010-02-04T15:54:00.000+13:00

I wonder what's going on with my mother sometimes.
She keeps telling me I shouldn't get too serious in a relationship.
And its not like I don't know that in every relationship there'll be the honeymoon period.
I've been through it before and I understand what I want.

I've seen people and I also know who I want to be with.
In her experience, she stuck with the first person that came her way and there were other people but she turned them down.
I've had my share of people and its been great but I know that my man wouldn't hurt me.
The only thing that could happen that would make things go wrong is if I screw things up cos I'm good like that.
That's why I have Winnie.

I'm afraid of myself.
I do know that I'm in love. Crazily in love.
It feels surreal.

Brain break.

Hit The Ground

2010-02-04T14:09:00.000+13:00

"...and the worst part is before it gets any better we're headed for a cliff. And in the free fall I will realise I'm better off when I hit the bottom."

Basically, I've the the bottom and got back up pretty quickly for the first time in my life and things have been absolutely amazing.
My brain needs to stop comparing people, although the comparisons get better and better everytime.
Makes me feel lucky to have Scott.

My brain is just mush now. I didn't even go to the church to terrorise the nice people with my piano playing.
I miss Scotty.
>.<
Can't believe how amazing its been.
He's cute (in a metal kind of way. haha), romantic, gentle, loves God, has great taste in music, supports me in my music, loves movies AND he cooks.
Although he's still gotta cook me a mean feed. haha
I'm waiting.
Thats not the end but they're the main important points.

OHOH. And he loves me. >.< *melts*

It just feels like I've got nothing to offer.
I cook but its more of a "food you eat to survive" standard.
Or at least I think so.

Have I mentioned how much I love his family?
His parents haven't asked me like a million questions like my mom would so thats a bonus.
His sister and brother are the funniest people alive.
And...hahah. I have lost all knowledge of the english language.
spdckl aslcijaelkmf zxoxijflk
Take that aliens!

K. Going to rest my brain now.
Be back when I feel like it.
I love my man. :)

Parachute 2010

2010-02-02T21:15:00.000+13:00

Parachute 2010 was amazing.
I met the loveliest people there and I was with people I love.

There was Switchfoot and Underoath on Saturday, Leeland and Late 80s Mercedes and Eshalon on Sunday.
The rest of the time was a lot fellowshipping which was just so good.

Switchfoot came on with Meant to Live and had a whole bunch of amazing songs but I have to say, it ended so well.
Dare You to Move spoke straight to me and it was hard to hold back tears.

Then there was Underoath.
It was just a really good performance.

Sunday was interesting cos it was a line up of worship bands like Parachute Band,Hillsong United and Leeland.
It was amazing how even through pain, I could worship like I did.
Haven't felt like that in a long time.
The whole hype of camps and stuff has significantly died down but this fire is consistent and I'm loving it.

Relationships build and break but through all of this, I found new relationships that I know I will grow to love a lot more.
Kudos to Sarah J and Aaron for taking me places :)
Thanks Scott for an awesome weekend. I can't think of anyone better to be with.
Dave, I can see why Scott loves you. You can't steal him away from me! hahaha.
The Glass family, is awesome. Can't wait to get to know everyone more.
Erin and everyone at the best place to hang at, you're all so lovely. Thanks for letting me sleep amongst amazingness. Whoosh.

See, Parachute 2010, my first Parachute - UH-MAZE-ING.

Photos when I upload on a real computer.

Understanding myself

2010-01-12T13:31:00.000+13:00

Don't know why I have to be so honest sometimes. lol.
So, this is me:
1) Clingy - to people I like (and not like like. just like.)
2) Emotionally reliant - used to be worse but its turned into more of a "I need a friend" moment.
3) Psychotically obsessed - I don't stalk physically. But I can be the most annoying being on the planet. I try not to.

It really blows (not my mind) to fight things like that but I guess its neccessary to the people around you.
This is where the confusion lies. Do you make a move or don't you?
If you had the opportunity to get the girl/guy you want or just to satisfy something physical/emotional, pretty sure you would want to take it.
BUT then again, it might just be a mistake.

How do you refrain? Tie yourself down to a chair?
Grr. It's tiring. But I guess, afterall, it is pretty much neccessary.
So just do it. For the sake of the people around you.

End of Lesson 1.

Here's something else.
If you have a problem with your mouth, seek help.
You don't want to lose a friendship by saying something to the whole world, then not communicating with someone for ages for some probable reason like you felt bad about it.
That's just a bad decision on your part not to work at a friendship.
I've done that. Many times. Not doing it again.
Cos it makes me an asshole.
It'll make you one too.

End of Lesson 2.

Honesty is the best policy - just like real estate.
I'm bored but I'm tired thanks to arse cakes like the above.
Here is me, giving up on that friendship cos you can't deal with your pride.
Asshole.

2009-2010

2010-01-02T11:07:00.001+13:00

okay. so new years was pretty amazing for me.
it was flattering I should say.
haha.
I shall ignore all rules of the english language for this one because I couldn't care less at this moment.

I love you guys! sarah j, sarah c, adam and scott! <3
you guys are the lovelies :D
can't believe we started drinking at 5pm and stopped at 3am.
EPIC.
I guess this new years could make up for my 21st.
its a pretty good start.

plus that strange guy kind of made my night.
just wish he was cuter. haha. and younger.

truth or dare was good too.
I love getting to know people.
now I know, I guess I kind of feel closer/love them more or something.
one of those. haha. or both.

haven't drunk like that in forever and it was GOOD.
pity i drank too quickly the first half though. haha.

here's a thought on this entry: "man this is boring shit".
TRUE.
but it also helps me retain memories. so shush.

moving on to better things about the truth.
here's a suggestion when you guys want to turn down girls: TELL THEM THE TRUTH. especially when they say they like you.
don't say "I can't see us together as such"
say "I used to like you but I like someone else now" - if its the truth
I mean, the first statement would be true but it doesn't have facts in it.
it keeps us going "so what the hell did I do wrong?"

now that I know it all (not all I think but some), I think you're an asshole that ive fallen too hard for.
I still like you way too much but you're still an asshole and I can't wait to get over you.

And I'm sorry to 3 of you for causing friction.
When I like someone, I should just shut the hell up next time.
That's hoping I move on. Soon.

Ohk.
Story too long. Ask for full details.

Hear my joy, whopee.

2009-12-27T00:07:00.000+13:00

So after resolving that huge sleepless dilemma that flipped in my head like hot cakes, I reasoned with Dan and here's my decision.
I find something to do in hamilton on my birthday just so it doesn't suck then I can have a party or not in feb, quite possibly after Matt's cos he'll most likely have one cos he's the man.
Psh.

I'm not particularly overjoyed but I gotta find SOMETHING to do on the 11th and I'm definitely not gonna stay in this hole thanks.
Plus Sarah's working and Hyelim's MAA = Missing As Always.
At least in Hamilton I know there'll be people and if there isn't, I could at least treat myself to something in town, sit at starbucks and watch people go by, call the boys to see if they'd make my birthday suck any less..the options are endless.

So there you go.

My suck-less plan A.
Plan B - sit home and cry.
So pretty much if everyone's unavailable, I'll just sit home and do something, or nothing.
I'm pretty used to it. Probably scrape the crying part. Unless I watch Armeggedon again, which is highly unlikely.

ANYWAY. I had fun times in SG catching up with friends.
But I really missed being in Hamilton. Just the place, the people and school.
Ah, school.
I just pray that I don't have to retake my worship theology paper because I'm positive I handed it in.
Please Lord, let it be handed in. Thank you. Amen.

Also, why the heck did you help me find love then lose it?
Cos this is just dumb and now I'm kinda just going SCREW MEN and SCREW WOMEN.
People suck and that's about all I have to say.
Take a hint and go fuck yourselves if you're so damn proud about being fickleminded when there are people genuinely out there giving their hearts to you.
I'm adding this to my list :
My future husband should...
make all the guys that I know regret.

So all I got for you now is piss off and see you next time.

Christmas isn't Christmas at all

2009-12-26T01:24:00.001+13:00

So I figured maybe blogging was a place for chicken people like me who wouldn't say things out loud but decide to declare it in a public place where they can lie to themselves that no one reads it. Truth is, I'm pretty sure hardly anyone comes here except maybe Fel and Dee.

So my 21st birthday is 11 days after the new year and 17 days after christmas. Whoopdeedoo.
That doesn't give me long to plan a party does it?
Nah. It doesn't.
So I figured I won't have one.

I've dreamt up a party for sure. But I highly doubt I'd pull it off well.
Here it is: Zab's imaginary 21st white party.

Walk into a room with white washed walls, everything in white, balloons (helium),tables, chairs and everyone in white cloths and stuff, something they'd want to throw away.
Here's the catch. You'd just sit and wait to see who would be the ones interesting enough to ruin your party and wear black. But then again, you sit and watch in a black cloth thing and chundals.
Might as well have a black party.
Okay, so there's snacks and drinks and chairs along the side of the room.
Games. A konkauc-petition. Yep. Drink what I make faster than me and you get a prize! (whatever that prize is and making sure the person drinking is hopefully not driving - it will not be alcoholic but it will be lethal. I think)
Table games - I'll think of something here.
The front of the room is open to all who want to sing (hopefully well) and possibly a karaoke competition cos singstar's just the game version of it and no one needs to win. (cos I hate losing)
Music's gonna be awesome - punk, acoustic punk, rock, metal, techno (the good ones, like justice although their more electronica), etc. There can be pop, but the good sort like Gaga. Pure genius.
Then speeches, people tell stupid stories about me and fake ones about knowing me when I was little and the dumb things we do.
Then we get a little sentimental, I sing a song to everyone (not well I might add).
At the end, the whole reason why you wear something you want to throw is because there's gonna be paint rain. Yay.
The party goes on til people start to leave and wish you a happy birthday and what a great night its been and they'd want to leave for a bath. (also making sure the paint dries fast so their cars don't stain. hmm. how thoughtful.)

The end.

That was my fairytale.
So I'll go get my shovel.
My only decision now is to be in rot or htown.
I'll have family in rot but in htown I may or may not have the possibility of friends and I don't have a boyfriend to guarentee there'll be someone there to celebrate with me.
Oh the overwhelming joy.

I think I feel better.
Goodnight.
16 sleeps til I turn old and fungusy.
Whatever the hell that is.

Signed, sealed, delivered

2009-11-29T16:06:00.000+13:00

So. I'm way too tired to think about my essay.
And I'm too busy dreaming about things I want and can't have. So here's a list.

1) Polaroid / Holga + coloured flash - for fun :)
2) DSLR + zoom lens cos the kit lens does not satisfy [Canon 450D or the professional ones that are too heavy for me]
3) Guitar [Maton] - one with nice wood grains or a black one.
4) Reverse echo pedal / overdrive pedal / delay pedal
5) MacBook Pro (high priority)

You know I am so sneaking my camera into Paramore.
Its dumb cos people think its a DSLR but the quality of it is equivalent to a portable (or easier to carry around) digital camera.
Dumb arses.
I'm still freaking bringing it. As long as I get pictures.
And the one thing that I'm hoping for is a meet and greet with Paramore!
Yay!

K. Back to dreaming and hopefully some work.

Can Eye Bee Your Memory?

2009-11-01T21:55:00.000+13:00

I miss those shoes. Good friend, good times, good places.

Oh and people, Singapore is NOT part of Malaysia.

Just like how New Zealand is NOT part of Australia.

EPIC PHAIL.

EngRish

2009-11-01T21:39:00.001+13:00

Mainly for Singaporeans but we'll figure it out.

WHEN GIVING A CUSTOMER BAD NEWS
Britons: I'm sorry, Sir, but we don't seem to have the sweater you want inyour size, but if you give me a moment, I can call the other outlets for you.
Asian : No Stock.

RETURNING A CALL
Britons: Hello, this is John Smith. Did anyone page for me a few moments ago?
Asian : Hello, who page?

ASKING SOMEONE TO MAKE WAY
Britons: Excuse me, I'd like to get by. Would you please make way?
Asian : S-kew me

WHEN SOMEONE OFFERS TO PAY
Britons: Hey, put your wallet away, this drink is on me.
Asian : No-need, lah.

WHEN ASKING FOR PERMISSION
Britons: Excuse me, but do you think it would be possible for me to enterthrough this door?Asian : (pointing to door) can AR?

WHEN ENTERTAINING
Britons: Please make yourself right at home.
Asian : Don't be shy, lah!

WHEN DOUBTING SOMEONE
Britons: I don't recall you giving me the money.
Asian : Where got?

WHEN DECLINING AN OFFER
Britons: I'd prefer not to do that, if you don't mind.
Asian : Don't want la...

IN DISAGREEING ON A TOPIC OF DISCUSSION
Britons: Err. Tom, I have to stop you there. I understand where you'recoming from, but I really have to disagree with what you said about theissue.
Asian : You mad, ah?

WHEN ASKING SOMEONE TO LOWER THEIR VOICE
Britons: Excuse me, but could you please ! Lower your voice, I'm trying toconcentrate over here.
Asian : Shut up lah!

WHEN ASKING SOMEONE IF HE/SHE KNOWS YOU
Britons: Excuse me, but I noticed you staring at me for some time. Do I knowyou?
Asian : See what, see what?

WHEN ASSESSING A TIGHT SITUATION
Britons: We seem to be in a bit of a predicament at the moment
Asian : Die-lah!!

WHEN TRYING TO FIND OUT WHAT HAD HAPPENED
Britons: Will someone tell me what has just happened?
Asian : Wat happen Why like that....

WHEN SOME ONE DOES SOMETHING WRONG
Britons: This isn't the way to do it here let me show you,...
Asian : like that also don't know how to do!!!!

Here's a few of my own

Others: There is no hope for you.
Sgprn: Cannot make it.

Others: !$($(^*$)%($&!*$%*!($&%(
Sgprn: Shingz -.-

I can think of a few others but guess what, I think I'll stick to the more decent way of conversing.
I like being understood thank you.

Anyway. I spent the last half hour looking for a blog post on Felicia's blog.
Here it is. The prize winner and extremely memorable.

The scene is set at Ben n Jerrys.

Woman: Are there any fish food in the ice cream?
Staff: Excuse me?
W: Are there fish food in the ice cream??
S: No ma'am, no fish food
W: Are you sure?
S: I'm sure.

Makes you wonder if that woman was Ris Low.
Miss Ris Stupid Low.
Thank you for tarnishing the name of Singaporeans.
I am so glad that half of my citizenship is not there to bear the pain of your inhumane speech and distasteful fashion sense.
Just on a light note, khaki green and leopard prints are as bad as wearing sandals for shoes.
And a bikini top with jeans is not a fashion statement.
It's more of a "I forgot to put on something decent this morning" statement.
There's a limit to when your bikini top becomes a bra.
Or do you not wear one?
Boomz and Shingz is rated WTH.
And everything else is WTF.

There you go.
Phil Spektor is less of a freak than you.
At least he's done SOME good.

Piss off and hope I don't see you this december.

2009

2009-10-27T18:46:00.000+13:00

In this year, I...
...moved to another country
...made a majority of non-asian friends
...made amazing friends
...got to know really talented people
...gained more knowledge of music than I did in poly
...got heartbroken
...found out people are hardly the same in different countries

Don't get me wrong. The only bane was getting my heartbroken.
But some good came out of it I guess.
I should try waking up and not crying tomorrow.
For now, :'(

Riot!

2009-10-24T17:48:00.003+13:00

I hear it rising.

Here's MY review on Paramore's new album Brand New Eyes and my personal opinion.

Paramore in its Riot! days went platinum and All We Know Is Falling recently just went gold. But in the likes of that, Brand New Eyes is a huge change from the previous 2 studio albums. A little more acoustic and a little less contrast, this album is a fresh new sound for the band (some would beg to differ). Rolling Stones gave Brand New Eyes 3 stars on their review site and said that "some of the sweeping moments blunt the band's fresh-faced immediacy — as if the cute kids from the sticks have had a hard time turning pro" (Dolan, 2009). On hind sight, "Decode" has been added to the album as a bonus track.

Some wonder (or just me) how it all went down. "Decode" is now the epitome of Twilight and has certainly brought the band fame. Lots and lots of fame. Girls (mostly) now go crazy over these 2 subsets (while others protest). Don't get me wrong. I love Paramore. They're amazing performers, they have amazing stage presence and inexplicable talent but "Decode" (in my opinion) has degraded the image of Paramore or what they used to be. Bands can't not change their sound and still be amazing. That would make them boring. For sure. That is why The Clash had something to say about that with their punk (or not) music. It could have been the reputation of the movie that jolted the band to where they are now. It is no one's fault but it is a shame. And as much as I think Twilight was artistic in most ways, I can't help but dislike what it has done.

That's me for today.
Can't wait to see This Is It.
Michael Jackson might put me in a better mood musically since Delirious? is retiring and the Paramore saga.
At least Blink is back.
Strike 3 and I'm out.

Ambition

2009-10-21T22:15:00.000+13:00

It's weird that I'm more affected by the absence of my guitar than the loss of an opportunity to a relationship.
But at least I know I'll always have a lasting friendship with an amazing friend.

I miss my guitar.

God and I need to hang more. haha.
It's been a pretty amazing week.

Now I just need to remember that I should be biking to and from church tomorrow.
Which means I need to set up the lights on my bike before I get hit by a car.
I should set it up anyway. lol.

Okay.
I shall be going to bed now and getting up bright and early to do whatever I need to do.
Goodnight minions.

Distraction

2009-10-18T00:42:00.000+13:00

Seriously just backfired. That whole distraction thing.
Haha.
Anyway. It was really cool today cos I watched 3 girly movies that I quite possibly needed.
Thank God for good friends.
I need to stop thinking and start waiting again.
Meh. I'm still not ready I guess.
At least it doesn't get me down down down down (starts a Blink 182 song)...

Took me a whole night to pen my thoughts down into 2 short paragraphs and no one is ever gonna see it.
Okay someone might see it but not any time soon.
Guts.
Actually quite tired now and I need to not be distracted for the next week or so cos I need to at least start on something if no one's gonna hang with me on labour weekend.
I'm keen for anything actually.
So over trying. Just gonna do and get stuff done.
That includes ensemble cos it seems like no one's really trying anyway.
I expect to fail the next performance then do a good essay thing.
I'm just ranting aren't I?
Yeh.

Church tomorrow.
That's gonna be interesting.
I wonder who will turn up and who won't and what will happen.
I don't know.
Just gonna live and write music cos it never fails!
Kinda like God but it still fails occassionally cos its still quite human.
But more reliable I guess.
Meh.

Illogical.

Going to bed now.
Goodnight gentlemen in the world who actually deserve a chance.
Feeling a bit sexist now.
Don't mind me while I brood over how guys and girls both suck.
This is why we have Jesus.
This is quite painful.
Shut up.
Night.

It's not that bad

2009-10-16T23:24:00.000+13:00

So, I wrote a letter.
And I'm going to be extremely chicken and gutless and give that letter to someone instead of talking to them.
How's that sound?
Sounds like me.

Words don't come out right when I don't have them on paper or memorised.
I can't be spontaneously funny on stage and sometimes off.
I'm not the best of singers (but honestly, I'm also not the worst so who's counting?).
I have really good friends but I don't know how long it'll hold me.
I need to remember that I have to be consistent and not just think about being consistent.
My screen keeps flashing and its scaring me.

I just read a blog by one of my poly mates (I wouldn't call her a mate actually).
But who gives a nutcracker.
She's engaged to my other poly mate (whom I wouldn't call a mate either).
Anyway, its an interesting story that one but it also seems kind of surreal.

Cousin's getting married in 2 months.
I'm going back to SG.
I also know that I'm going to miss this place and the people so damn much.
I've never been homesick before.
This was the first time.

I think it all grows on me.
I love it here.
We'll see where this takes us.
I'd fall asleep on the couch if I had one.
Some might say we will find a brighter day. Vague.

All I wanted was you.

Guard your heart

2009-10-15T09:55:00.001+13:00

When situations create boundaries, you despise them.
But when they're free for all, you want those boundaries to feel more secure.
Its crazy how so much can go on in such a short time.
Friends first, lovers second.
That's how it should go and that's what I need to remember.
Let this be a reminder to all.

Aunty Catherine posted something on facebook that really stuck me.
"The people to fear are not those who disagree with you, but those who disagree with you and are too cowardly to let you know.
-Napoleon Bonaparte"
Here's her take: disagreements are not necessarily bad. it's a different perspective which we need to see and we need people to point that out to us altho it can sometimes be donein a way that irks us...need to get pass that and not be petty
Wise words from a wise lady.
I don't know how to make this any clearer.
I've struggled so much with things like that.
But I think if people can't see the different perspectives, it will be of no use to them anyway.
All that will happen is that they lose a perfectly good friend.

It's almost the end of the first week of school.
I've achieved, hopefully, something.
I still really need to finish my song.
Think I need at least a chorus for tonight to bring in tomorrow.

It's been a good holiday and an emotionally rocky one.
But I'm glad I'm doing fine.
Just want to say SORRY FOR BEING OBSESSIVE!
Like I always am when I'm excited.
Can't wait til the day when I say, "-"
I'll say it someday.

I've never just liked a person for this long before.
It's strange that my heart's just going at a nice normal pace so I don't rush into stupid things again.
And this time, I'm praying that it's real.
No more mending and healing and occassionally peeling.
No more muddling fights or bright orange tights.
No more meddlesome fools telling us what to do.
No more hiding from street lights, coming out only at night.
No more childish games that we played, only what's left say.
No more stray thoughts and confusion but plans for the future.
No more anxious glares but a comforting stare.
No more awkward silences but the rest of our lives.
What will be left of us, I do not know
But it will be your choice to take control.

Wish songs came that easily.
But of course songs are a little different.

We'll see how this plans out.

Remember. Friends first, lovers later.
Keep dreaming Zab.

Dumbo and the magic feather

2009-10-11T12:04:00.000+13:00

I feel like I got the great Chuck Bass to tell me he loved me.
Not quite cos I don't want the great Chuck Bass.

There's a million things to do and especially songwriting.
I just wish I wasn't so distracted but I can't help it.
It such a relieving feeling after 3 months of torture its finally over.
Whatever comes next, I'm sure will be for my own good.
But for now, I love it.

I had a good time reminiscing this morning. Sort of.
I think I need a hug.
Just wish I could tell somebody and they'd listen.

I guess this could be what Aunty Catherine meant by good but sad.
Probly not the same thing.

I MISS you.

I LIKE you.

I NEED You.

So stoked Paramore's coming and Angels and Airwaves have a movie coming and their new album!
Jason played it and now I'm just bouncing on the inside.

You know how in Starwars episode 5, Yoda's a puppet and someone's got their hand up his bum? haha. Well Luke Skywalker had his foot up Yoda's bum when he was concentrating.
That comment came when Yoda's line so conveniently came up...
"Use the force Luke."

Yes. Shut up.
I know.
Who made you have such great timing? haha.
It was fun anyway. Can't wait for the rest of the hang outs.

Love me for who I am.

I'm in paris with you

2009-10-10T10:37:00.000+13:00

So uh,
Its been a good week, everything's pretty sweet except my school work. haha.
I need to finish my song/s by Sunday and email it/them to Brett.
I'm praying for inspiration and many many words.
Too many words is better than none.
I'm pretty excited.
Looks like 2009 is a very good year after all.
(Kudos to Frankie S, aka Frank Sinatra and the person who wrote the song)

I was just listening to my old song I recorded for my FYP.
The lyrics are interesting (to me)but I'm not sure.
They quite possibly don't make sense.
But I still sort of like it.
Anyway, visit www.myspace.com/elizabethchia
Its not much but some of my music is on there.

Leave a comment here or there! (if anyone reads this at all. haha)

I have to sing a song about love for my vocal major.
Oh boy. Isn't it apt.
I can see Kelvin smirking.
Stop it. haha.
Jokes.

K bye.

Just pulled a Chuck and Blair

2009-10-09T07:08:00.003+13:00

Without the games.

If you know what I mean.

Its 7am and I'm up talking to Winnie cos I had to. It couldn't wait.

Goodmorning world.

So In Love

2009-10-05T23:54:00.001+13:00

I'm just ridiculously in love with so many things.

Okay. Guilty of recycling pictures but it gives me less to upload!

Sarahj - just come back.

Mara - I'll see you tomorrow so yay!!!

EP - COME BACK QUICK! although I wish you'd turn orange. It'd be pretty hilarious and not.

Adam - :D I don't know what to say.

Hyelim - can't wait til you get back!

Scotty Dawg - I'll see you.

Yvette - now this one's a keeper. Miss you loads!!! And I think I got your cough. haha.

Kelvinator - uh...meh. haha.

Pfft. Thing, people, same difference.

Miss them. Here's one more thing to love, really want, and can't have...

Para-freaking-more.

I need a full song. Pronto.

Bury the castle

2009-09-17T17:00:00.003+12:00

I think they should call the song bury the castle.
Songwriter's POV.

I'm smelling things.
I smell people who are not around and I smell food that doesn't exist in this country.
And now...I'm just smelling.
I know I can smell again but this is too much. haha.

Can't wait for December.
Mostly can't wait for the food and the shopping.
Places to go
1) Newton
2) Srg gardens
3) Raffles city
4) Dhoby Ghaut
5) Far East (chicken rice!!!!!!)
6) S11 near my place

Things to eat
1) FREAKING CHICKEN RICE
2) Oh lua
3) Bbq / steamboat
4) SUSHI BUFFET
5) Bbq chicken wingsss
6) That Taiwan chicken thing
7) (wish I could have GV's nachos and cheese)
8) ah seah's mah you ji (sesame chicken)
9) Black pepper chicken near Glenn's place and Astons
10) Ben and Jerry's (must have)
11) Antie Anne's pretzelsss
12) J.Co's DONUUUUUTSSS
13) Thai Express and Thai reatraunt near my place
14) PRATA. (all)
15) Wan Ton Mee
16) Laksa
17) Beef Hor Fun

That can be arranged to fit into 7 days.
Which is SWEET.
Can't wait!!

I should do my presentation now.
Meanwhile, I shall snack on something.

Go get your shovel and we'll dig a deep hole.

Suck like dogs balls on a praying mantis

2009-09-06T00:52:00.000+12:00

That's what my performance is.

What annoys me the most is that EVERYONE'S performance that week is up except mine.
It was either really bad or it somehow just skipped me and decided that I should watch the one that's a lot more painful and disgusting and I know everything that's going on while the one that I cannot remember actually doing is not even on the student drive.
ARGH.

All I can say is what the hell.

Goodnight.
Piss off.

About forgiveness we're both supposed to have exchanged. Sorry honey but I passed up now look this way.

2009-09-03T18:47:00.000+12:00

I did my Misery Business performance today.
It was interesting.
It felt great doing that song.
I just wonder how I looked like and if it was painful to watch or just alright.
Cos if it were just alright, it would've been kind of a waste.
And thanks Kelvin for that comment "I especially like that you wrapped your mic"
That was...helpful. haha.
And Gemma. Both of you are so lovely.
If I suck, you could just say it.
I wouldn't care. Honestly.

But I guess I have no idea what I look like on stage doing that song and head banging for about 8 bars (which is a very long time) with a nice little hangover-like feeling in my head.
Basically, I feel nothing because my brain is just numb.

Ah well, its a good thing though.
It stopped me from thinking about things I shouldn't be thinking and feeling things I shouldn't be feeling.

On a side note, HAPPY BIRTHDAY CALEB!
You're the man. Today's sound was just amazing.
I didn't know how I'd sound like but it was just...incredible.
I didn't even sound sick.

Oh. I got up this morning with a massive sore throat and I got worried so I did some warm ups at 6am then went back to sleep.
Got up again and realised the sore throat was still there and this time, a blockage of the nasal passage was evident.
Sad.
Panicking even more, I got up at 8 and practiced all the way til it was time to go to school.
Oh. Better thank EP for the ride. Didn't say thanks at all. (note to self)
Anyway, aural was amazing as usual.
Then there was the dreaded choir.
Why oh why do we have such a song to learn?
I really hate that song now.
It doesn't even give me meaning when I sing "The Lord bless you and keep you" when I'm fuming all the time with people being absolute idiots.
Suckage does not get any suckier than this.
Then, there was performance workshop.
And we all know how that went so okay.

And now I'm on my bed in the clothes I've been in all day.
I must stink with the stage lights being so hot and stuff.
I suppose I should get changed.

Fine.
I'll be bach. No I won't.
Just not his son.

I LOVE YOU!
I don't know who, but I love you. haha.
Probabaly am drunk.

Goodnight Seattle!

Blood and grime all etched in time but no one's there to hit rewind

2009-08-25T23:59:00.000+12:00

Don't you want to live some moments again?
Not me.
I'm such a klutz.
But some things are better the way they are.

Urges, temptations and cravings, all simple things to fight but they occassionally get very hard to resist.
I know what you're thinking now and it probably isn't what you're thinking.
I see it, yes I see it.
Stop it. Now.
HAHA.
Okay.

I don't think anything surprises me now.
And things hurt a lot less when you get farther from the source of pain.
Its been 3 weeks since I decided.
2 weeks to figure it out and 1 to get rid of some thoughts.
Give me a couple more and I should be wiped clean.
Maybe not clean but well enough to be immune for a while.

I'm glad I got some work done.
At least I don't have to worry too much now.
By prayer and petition...
Bleh.
Its hard but it just got easier.
Thank you Ray Andrews for your message today.
Gave me a new perspective of John 15.

Now, I just need some help because I have to lead tour band and I'm freaking out cos they're ALL year 2s and 3s.
FREAK OUT!

Damn that song's stuck in my head.

Its like you're a drug

was just a little bullshit I saw through

2009-08-24T17:58:00.003+12:00

God, will you solve my problems for me?
My insecurities and inability to go against my own character I mean.
It doesn't mean you do it for me, but change me so I'll be able to do it.
Even if it means pleasing you and pissing people off.

Now, I just hate being me.
I hate being a girl.
And I hate a lot of things that I am.
But that's just me being selfish and a complete asshole.
I know I can do this.
I just don't know HOW.

I waited for 3 years for my guitar.
How long do you want me to wait for this? 5 more?
I guess I can do 5.
It will be hard though.
Especially getting over this...list.

I need something else in the mean time.
Thank God for ministry.
Its not a distraction but a help I guess.
And with Noms, I think its gonna be awesome.

The alcohol is scented with your breath

I think...

2009-08-23T23:46:00.004+12:00

Caleb

Vision team! (those who made it to the end anyway)

The bunch w/o Adamski.

Tired Tutors.

Love this photo of Fred the destroyer poopy face-puncher Adam.

Its not really a time for me to think but I probably need to get this off my chest before I go to bed.

I need to stop this whole insanity thing.

Just seriously stop.

And I also don't want to be a girl although I really do want to get married, and not to a girl.

But I also don't want to be gay.

I'm really tired and I thought Hyelim said "Do you want to come to my place and take your shirt off?" instead of "Do you want to come to my place or shoot off?"

Holy crap dude.

I wish tomorrow was an off day.

I wish I had done my theory.

I wish I could sleep in/have a sleep in then have a hang out.

I wish I didn't have classes tomorrow that require so much concentration.

I wish everyday were thursday.

Thursdays have been absolutely awesome for me.

I really like thursdays.

Don't jinx it.

We all need to hang out more often (when we're not tired, dying and busy) or I'll regret it the rest of my life.

I'd rather hang out and get sick of everyone (doubt it though).

At least I know I've fully utilised my time.

I miss Brett and Caleb being Brett and Caleb outside class.

Mostly because they're Brett and Caleb in school.

Funny, but that's about 18% of the funny.

Tutors are hilarious when they're tired.

And so am I.

Rest

2009-08-21T00:35:00.001+12:00

I think I should have more time alone than socialising.
Takes away distraction and gives me time for work (for one reason) and to focus on God.
The less time I spend with Him, the easier a spark ignites into a flame. - or whatever it is because my brain is currently not working very well.

I really enjoyed today, hardly doing anything.
But I should have used that time to at least stop for a prayer which I never thought to do.
Here's hoping and praying and everything else, that things will be alright tomorrow.
Quite possibly on the verge of a break down.

Goodnight everyone.
Being awake 19 hours is no joke.
But sleeping for 8 hours is.

From Pain to Destiny, TGIF Today God Is First Volume 2 by Os Hillman; Thursday, August 20 2009

2009-08-21T00:28:00.000+12:00

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything" (James 1:2-5).

God often allows pain to ignite destiny in our lives. Without motivation, many of us would never fulfill the purposes for which God created us. Oftentimes a measured assault invades our life and creates a depth of pain that all we know to do is press into God with all our being.
At first, our motivation is to alleviate the pain. After a season of extreme emotional and sometimes physical pain, a second phase begins. This phase moves us to discover a new and deeper relationship with God. We begin to discover things about ourselves and about God that we never would have discovered without this motivation. Gradually, our heart changes our motivation from pain to loving obedience because there is a transition of the heart that takes place. No longer do we seek God for deliverance from the pain; we seek God because He is God. We seek His face and not His hand.
When we move to the second phase we often find ourselves moving into a new destiny and calling for our lives because God often separates us from the old life in this process. No doubt Joseph and Peter felt the pain of their individual crises. However, later they could realize God's purposes in their crisis. Like Joseph, we are able to say, "You meant it for evil, but God meant it for good."
Today, let God move you from the place of pain to the place of destiny. Let God show you the secret things He has reserved for you as a result of the crisis you may find yourself in.

A night in Paris

2009-08-19T21:21:00.000+12:00

Note: The following is not a true story.

She groaned at the dimly lit bar, her black dress saved for a day unlike this.
Then again, it wouldn't go to waste.
"Hey babe. Can I buy you another drink?"
Hesitant yet so sure of herself, she nodded.
After all, this was a place to find love.
Two more drinks and a whole lot of small talk, her head was heavy.
Still able to hold a steady pace and balance in those heels, she stood up and stumbled for a second, steadied herself and walked on.
The voice that she had been talking to followed her out the back and she unconsciously agreed to a ride.
She stumbled into a car and the smell of fresh leather instantly assailed her sense of smell.
A few seconds into the ride and she felt herself drifting.
A sudden break jolted her back to reality.
The man helped her out of the car and up the stairs, to the room.
The bed was inviting and cool in the heat from getting up the stairs.
She dropped herself on the covers and lay still, an urge forced her to stay frozen in that comfort.
She felt her dress slowly come off but she didn't fight.
A comforting warmth radiated on her and she had never felt better.
Despite feeling numb, she knew well enough what was going on, but there was no struggle, no forced intentions or objections.
Just a night in Paris.

My intentions are not as they seem.
It was something I had to get out of my head.
As much as I love Paris, its reputation may have been tarnished.
Just slightly.
But its all good.
I still love Paris.

And I'm sorry about today if I've rejected love today.
I can seriously be an idiot sometimes.
And when you ask me again, I will say yes.
I do love you.
Both.

I best be on my way out.

Hypothetically speaking

2009-08-15T23:55:00.001+12:00

...I am not me.
...there could be something.
...you could be lying.
...I could be lying.
...we could be lying.
...I was just stupid enough to believe it.

With the lights down low, your gaze incandescently hypnotic.
I looked back and I saw something. Or, I thought I did.

I don't know anymore.

The stage of temporary suckage might not be so temporary afterall.

Ignorance is your new best friend.

Truth

2009-08-11T23:48:00.000+12:00

Truth and nothing but the truth.

I just need to know if something is worth pursuing.
This doesn't take faith, it takes knowing.
And I'm getting ready to be hard pressed on all sides and...hopefully not crushed.
Yep.
Get ready for flood.
There was rain.
Probably shouldn't have been too enthusiastic about the rain.

What the hell am I doing now God?
ANSWER ME!

Here is me

2009-08-10T23:38:00.001+12:00

Trying to get over...a lot of things.

And also, risking a whole lot to tell people what I should really tell them.

I still like it so far.

I just need to know or get over it now.

GET OVER IT ZAB!!!

I probably won't learn. Just like that 8 year long lesson.
9 actually.

I think I love you?
Nah.

Just one more...

2009-08-09T23:25:00.001+12:00

Brown lacquered body and frets under strings, these are a few of my favourite things.

I had to post that.
It was just too impressive.

Anyway, I would like more nice long boring yet not, weekends like this one.
I think my mother needs to learn to like my friends.

HAHA.

K bye.

Cinderella

2009-08-09T10:42:00.004+12:00

Amidst the youtube videos I promised to watch/listen, here's one recommended by Brett.

People usually know songs like these but I'm stupid enough not to.
I really should know them. Or least remember that Highway to Hell is by AC/DC.
Sheesh.

He wrote this song before his daughter died and its got much more of an effect on people than ever.
Here you go. Cinderella by Steven Curtis Chapman.

She spins and she sways to whatever song plays
Without a care in the world
And I'm sitting here wearing
The weight of the world on my shoulders

It's been a long day And there's still work to do
She's pulling at me saying "Dad, I need you
There's a ball at the castle and I've been invited
And I need to practice my dancing
Oh, please, Daddy, please?"

So I will dance with Cinderella
While she is here in my arms
'Cause I know something the prince never knew
Oh, I will dance with Cinderella
I don't want to miss even one song
'Cause all too soon the clock will strike midnight
And she'll be gone...

She says he's a nice guy and I'd be impressed
She wants to know if I approve of the dress
She says, "Dad, the prom is just one week away
And I need to practice my dancing
Oh, please, Daddy, please?"

So I will dance with Cinderella
While she is here in my arms
'Cause I know something the prince never knew
Oh, I will dance with Cinderella
I don't want to miss even one song
'Cause all too soon the clock will strike midnight
And she'll be gone
She will be gone

Well, she came home today with a ring on her hand
Just glowing and telling us all they had planned
She says, "Dad, the wedding's still six months away
But I need to practice my dancing
Oh, please, Daddy, please?"

So I will dance with Cinderella
While she is here in my arms
'Cause I know something the prince never knew
Oh, I will dance with Cinderella
I don't want to miss even one song
'Cause all too soon the clock will strike midnight
And she'll be gone

Don't stop.

Cause I miss you babe, and I don't wanna miss a thing.

Like acid down your throat

2009-08-09T00:00:00.000+12:00

It comes up and goes back down.
Hurts like hell doesn't it?
Yeah.

Today was...
Emotionally challenging although I did spend, basically the entire day sitting on my bed.
I wrote a new song. Just 2 verses.
Watched GG again.
Watched a movie.
Called my mom.
Talked to people online.
Thought of doing my theory.
Then didn't.

I liked today.
It was the quiet saturday that I pictured it would be.
Thank you God.

And I'm sorry to everyone if I was missing from msn.
Had like a million people talking while I decided to seclude myself from the world.

Need to get back into it.

Oh and Happy Birthday Singapore. I miss your food and some people.

Like acid down your throat.
It burns.

and in the night we'll wish this never ends

2009-08-08T09:58:00.002+12:00

I should really stop eating after 8.
I'm getting FAT! As PE teachers who have taught me before would say.
But I would also like to mention that the first half of every year is when I put on the weight I don't need, thank you.
Hopefully this time I would actually lose it.

I wish I lived somewhere that's more strategic for running. Like near Eastside.
HAHA.
I miss my midnight runs to the park and back.
Short but so effective and I get to look at stars.

At least its not easy to get food after 12 like I usually do.
That would suck giant mantis balls.

So, I'm entitled to my occassional rant here ay.
Oh wait. Its MY blog. haha. I say and do as I please.

Here's a funny conversation that went down that I MUST pen/type. :D
note - conversations are not accurately quoted.

WARNING:The following originated from a conversation about invisible wives and fake boobs but relating to pitch.
EP: hmm, flat as concrete doesnt work. What else is always flat?
(ZAB hyperventilates)
Adam: Are you thinking of Karen?
(ZAB nods)
Adam: I thought of it too.
(cue ZAB's racous laughter)

I'm amazed people thought of it too.
Ah well.
That's the way the world goes round.
Uh.
Yep.

We'll wish this never ends.

Lead me to the cross

2009-08-06T00:25:00.002+12:00

Never fails to make me fall to my knees and cry.

There's stupid stuff going on in my head I really don't need right now.
OUT in the name of Jesus!
Sickness, OUT!
All that is not God focused and of God, out I say!

But, its all almost over now.
I do some stupid things some times.
I just hope I don't screw things up.
Good night.

I love.
No I don't.
I like you.
A lot.

:)

Obviously bored.

2009-08-01T09:37:00.002+12:00

I still don't get how the hell I'm impressionable.
Am I?

Anyway, I think if I weren't, a lot of people would be pretty pissed off with me.
If you want to see me and my view point, you've just got your head in your butt buddy.
Probably because I've never showed that side of me to some people.
Hmm. There's a point there.

STOP RAINING DAMMIT!

Tonight

2009-08-01T01:45:00.002+12:00

So, that made me miss boy company a lot more.
Which means I miss Glenn, Dwight and Selwyn a whole lot.

Who would I play computer games with, be on a team and suck but still win?
Who would go shopping with me and tell me what looks good from a guy's perspective?
Who would go to gigs with me and actively participate?
Who would watch a music DVD with me the whole day and later inspire ourselves to practice our instrument?
Who would go with me on a non-date on date night?
Who would eat more than me and make me look like I eat a lot less and live to laugh about 8 pratas and 2 murtabaks?
Who would cycle with me in the middle of the night to a whole other part of the country and care if I fell?
Who would drive me around if I called?
Who would be my part time boyfriend if I needed one? (yeah, that's right.)
Who would take me home when I get wasted?
Who would get wasted with me?

There's so much more.
I miss you guys.
Pa, Di and my dear Selwyn.
I love you guys.
But I have to move on.

Can't wait.

The stars are holding you, holding you, holding you tonight.

Dance in the limelight

2009-07-30T08:51:00.000+12:00

I'd just like to say that this isn't normal.
I have a 6-7 hour sleep limit and I've been about up for 2 hours and thinking about my bass part for Larry Norman's "Why Should The Devil Have All The Good Music?".
Ensemble is going to be harsh if it doesn't improve.

I think I need ableton live.
A looping programme with good MIDI sounds or sounds I can use to synthesize myself.
Miss that.

I've been thinking this obsession is too much.
But its going to stop.
Kind of on the slow down track already.
Being unsure just makes everything a little stupid.
Clarity makes it all a little LESS stupid.
Your face is stupid.
Your face's yackbard is stupid.

"...guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life."

More life emphasis please.

So there's a lot that I need to do but I'm just a little tired.
I think it will be a pretty good trip to Raglan if we go. :)
Hopefully an emotional, physical and spiritual rest.
I'm not saying we lie on the beach like beached as whales. (haha get it?)
But like...the whole spirit of things.
Just, restful.

I like how my iTunes plays music the smart way although in random.

I can't wait until my PW week!
We are going to be so deaf today with Jeremy playing Slipknot and Andrew playing Korn.
Its a drummer sandwich. Unfortunately/Fortunately, we have Karen filling.
Pray like never before.

Have Your way here, keep me afloat cos I know I'll sink without You.

Whoa. And cue Blink 182's "I Miss You".
And I do.
AVA flashbacks.
I loved that day.
All the joy and excitement and a good friend who could drive. ;)
Midnight prata, missing drumsticks (glares at Selwyn) (you know I love you right?), collecting picks, wondering about set lists.
All I needed to take away from that was a good long look from Tom Delonge.
Yayah.

This must be one really long and pointless rant but I have another...hour?
Yeah. Aural at 11am and its now 8.37am.

I love Thursdays.
So cruisy.
Fridays have become a little strange.
Piano in the morning for an hour, songwriting (good but I still dread it) for 2 hours.
After 1 semester, as much as it isn't a competition for grades, I want to do better than the other person with me in the class.
I do not believe she can get a grade higher than me.
My portfolio has to beat hers hands down.
I need to step it up.
C'mon!

Sigh.
Something was going on last night. I thought I heard a dog growl outside my door/window.
Then there were cars and stuff going past.
Then there were lots of noises that kept me awake for like, ever.

Now playing: Silverstein
Haven't listened to them in a while.
Just got 2 Killswitch albums from Scott, together with 2 A7x and Nathan King.
I'm glad I have new old music.
I should have a listen to the new Killswitch album too.
Soon.

I have an unsettling feeling in the pit of my stomach, a good unsettling feeling.
Its the feeling before you get on stage in front of a massive audience, the feeling you get before something good and exciting is going to happen.
Sort of like pre-rain season and you know its coming.
That could be my spirit or me being sick. lol.

I bet all you who read this are, by now, bored or have already closed the window or moved on to facebook.
"Damn she talks a lot."
I do.
Thus the reason for the blog so you don't have to actually hear my voice.
HAHA.
Saves you the pain.

Oh, "Supermassive Blackhole" just came on.
Okay. I guess I should get ready for school.

I thought I was a fool for no one, oh baby I'm a fool for you.

Love Actually

2009-07-28T23:16:00.002+12:00

I know its not christmas yet but I'm feeling it!
And I'm going to spend Christmas with my mother so no love for me.
Boo.

Anyway, I remember when I watched that movie, it was with Joee. I think.
Pretty sure cos we were really excited about the girl singing in the show.
She's amazing.
And the little drummer boy. So cute.
Yeah okay. Good for all you drummers out there.

It is honestly the best movie about love I've ever seen.
Crazy, on a stick.

"Driving you home is the happiest time of the day for me."
"Leaving you is the saddest time of the day for me."
At least that's what I think they said.

The trouble with love is, ...

Some people don't learn, some people don't want to.

2009-07-27T16:09:00.001+12:00

Credit: Flickr

Barely a star in the sky, a pair of eyes stared intensely into the space between the bars above.

It was a reminder of the past - the cool blast of wind, humid and fierce, yet calming but this time slightly different.

Another pair of eyes joined in.

"You don't have to be here you know."

"I want to."

Silence.

The strange pair of eyes, comforting.

It spoke again, "Do you...?"

"Yes."

That's how I wish it went. But no.

It was warmer the way it is and words would have been just wrong.

Yeah.

I don't think I've learnt.

But I will.

Despite that,

I had a pretty good weekend.

Inspire conference was amazing.

God was there and I know He's always there.

He's a good one my God.

He knows I like 1-on-1s and everything He does is so personal, its incredible and I don't need anything else.

But, you know being a girl, is pretty dumb sometimes.

Stupid girls.

Sometimes being a boy would be better.

But only sometimes.

I think its time.

If I had a chance for another try, I wouldn't change a thing.

Pointless and yet

2009-07-25T02:07:00.000+12:00

I really enjoyed today.

Choir and band were AWESOME!

Then there was talking to Waisale, Terry and Hyelim.

After that was a nice good chill out until church.

Then church was really good.

We had Pastor Ray ordained today.

Wayne and Libby Huira are speaking and leading worship tomorrow I think.

Unless I misheard and understood them.

Then there was the hang out after church.

Hang outs are always good.

At every level of interaction, it still forms fellowship.

It also depends on the extent of the fellowship people want it to be.

I guess we could go with learning/studying each other.

Has anyone read the love dare or seen fireproof?

Yeah. That's where it's from.

I still love every one of my friends.

And I really love God as my father.

Couldn't ask for a better Daddy.

I asked and he gave!

Thank you for showing me a hint of what is to come.

Its a good hint thanks, although it might not be seen to carry through.

I believe in something greater.

Same photos. I know. Still love it though.

Love you guys.

Jesus Messiah, name above all names, blessed redeemer, Emmanuel
The rescue for sinners, the ransom from heaven
Jesus Messiah
Lord of all

September

2009-07-23T17:52:00.000+12:00

Never was a cloudy day.

Why are you downcast oh my soul?

A wise soul once told me, if its not love, don't lose yourself by putting your 100% into something.
I would add on to say "but love as God does."
And I know I do. Feel free to correct me anytime.
As much as I want this, I know I can't right now.
But I'm afraid of losing.
I hate losing but I know when to just suck it up and do better next time.

The greatest miracle of today was a very good lunch break with Adam, Sarah J, Sarah C, Maramena, EP and Dom!
And after lunch, there was...my piano minor results.
It's a miracle I actually passed.
Thank you God for that.
I was really freaking out but I didn't do too badly.
I hope it wasn't because they knew I could do better.
I love the piano but it doesn't love me.
Its unrequited love. The instrument doesn't work for me.
Sad.
At least my voice does.
And sometimes my writing and very occassionally, my guitar.

I miss Winnie.
Someone who knows me for me and gets that I am...who I am.
Proud, obssessive, indecisive, sometimes too decisive, and etc.
I don't know what positive traits there are but I love her for loving me all the same.
Thank you for always being there and I'm sorry that that one time I let my emotions get the better of me and I almost lost myself for real.

I want to see Delirious? live before I die. Or before they die. lol.
I hope.

I have Vision College Tour dresses. -.- okay shirts.
But they might as well be dresses.
I must say that the tour band is improving tremendously.
I hope we do awesome tomorrow and I sway correctly, clap correctly, shout "comin'" the right number of times, everyone's pitching and a lot more.
Anoint the band Lord. Thank you Jesus.
Amen.

I like it like that

2009-07-23T01:04:00.000+12:00

That I don't have to return to pain anymore.
That I can see where it all started and ended.
That I know what happened and what lies ahead.
That although my future isn't CLEAR, it is DEFINED.
That I know I need unshakable faith, hope and love.
That I HAVE unshakable faith, hope and love.
That I still try.
That I still can.
That I am still here.

I like it like that, that I am able to love again, and love another and love others and give a damn.

Thank you Jesus.
I love You.
And only then can I say that.
I wish I could say I love you.
I might.
One day.

I might be crazy

2009-07-21T17:12:00.003+12:00

Will I be a complete idiot to say I do?
I probably am.
But from all the logical reasoning, its not me.
Its happened before and I didn't cave in just because.
Help me understand.
Give me a few more weeks before I come to a verdict.
Meanwhile, someone please standby CPR, just in case my heart fails.

If only you knew.

Bring me a song and I'll sing for you

Man I have serious issues.

2009-07-18T04:12:00.001+12:00

I do. I really do.
Character ones anyway.
I really hope I can be more consistent.
Of course I don't expect it to magically happen, I would actually need to give myself a little boost by starting it off somehow.

I've been thinking more.
And its been simple yes or no questions that I think about and yet they turn out so complicated because they're painful to answer.
Because of that, if I want to care for people, my answer has to be no but if I care for myself, my answer would be yes.
But I guess it could work out if I actually asked people.

Hmm. I never thought of that til I typed it out.
Well, we'll see.
Its divine timing I'm waiting for and its divine timing I want.
It will then rest well with my soul and everything physical and spiritual.
It would be amazing.

But I also need help to guard my heart.
Still have to no matter what.
Things happen that are going around and its always got a season and some kind of epidemic going on in that time.
My heart better watch it.

Okay. I'm pretty sure I should be sleeping now but no, apparently I'm too excited about what HAD happened. Which is kind of dumb cos everyone is probably already asleep.

Love you Sarah J!

Love you Mara!

Love you Adam!

Love you EP!

And thanks!

That's what you get when you play a country song backwards.

I love you so

2009-07-15T02:22:00.001+12:00

That's a sweet song by Nick Kraenzlin.
Love it.

Just got back from hillsong conference and it was...
nothing short of interesting.
Notice the word amazing does not appear.
But the only thing I can describe as amazing in that conference was God.
God was amazing.
If not for God, that conference would be a total bust for both the organisers and the congregation.
But I really have to thank EP for telling me it was amazing when he went because of all the questions and criticism, I was thinking once again about why I'm going for this conference and what kind of heart I would be bringing when I'm there.

But what I got was good.
Now, being able to reflect upon everything, Thursday was definitely the best day.
It was the day that I could spend the most time with God and actually hear his voice instead of having people talking and yaking their day away and distracting me from the things that God wanted to tell me.
I think that Hillsong isn't happy clappy, but sometimes they are.
It comes to the point where silence is awkward and there shouldn't be silence, but silence is sometimes good.
As much as the Hillsong team was driving the worship, so were the people, and it was the heart of the people that determined where it was going.
Israel Houton was good, solid praise. From where I was, it was amazing, not just technically because they are a good bunch of musicians, but spiritually too.
If you don't look at them individually, you could see that they were a team and not one of them stood out but they were unique.
I admire that.

So whatever was discussed with the people, I essentially wiped out of my mind.
Thank you God for New Zealand and selective hearing.
HAHA.
Anyway, I've never been homesick before, but I was.
I MISS SARAH J, AND MARA, AND EP, and even ADAM.
Yeah, that's amazing isn't it.
Love them.
AND I WILL SEE YOU KIDS ON FRIDAY!

Lots of love!

His glory appears like the light from the sun
Age to age He shines
Look to the skies, hear the angels cry
Singing holy is the Lord

I've been thinking

2009-07-13T01:30:00.004+12:00

"Marriage isn't fireproof but it doesn't mean fire won't come.
It just means that when fire does come, you can withstand it."

I just thought I had to watch it again.
I have a lot more to learn about God's love before...anything.
It's amazing how God reveals himself to people in different times.
He made me realise after this trip how much I love where I am and how I'm blessed here with great friends and more great friends and absolutely wonderful tutors.
As much as I cannot stand some people I cannot help but love.
Something has changed and I don't know what it is but it is good.

Thank you God for this.

I will not give credit nor discredit anyone from anything.
Unshakeable faith, unshakeable hope and unshakeable love - thats what we need.
The conference wasn't EXCELLENT but it was still good and the best part of it was God.
God was present and in a lot of situations, it was God that made the best of the situation.

Thank you God for friends, family and this country.
Thank God for you.

Off to see the wizard

2009-07-06T11:02:00.001+12:00

The wonderful wizard of oz.

OF OZ OF OZ OF OZ OF OZ
The wonderful wizard of oz.

So I'll be in sydney in about 12 hours,
Exams are over,
I just stayed up til 4 or 5 mixing 3 songs and mastering 1,
I don't exactly know what I'm packing and I'm gonna kill myself soon.
Seriously, if I keep doing this I might die.
At least the conference doesn't start til tomorrow night and the morning sessions begin at 9.30am (Australia, Sydney).
I hope the people I want to meet, I get to meet and that I can bring something back from the songwriting workshop.
I have a feeling its not going to be as good as Pat Pattison but somewhere there.

Apparently someone didn't take the exam for their major.
I wonder if they'll be back next semester.
Being angry at him does me no good.
So instead, I'll just channel this energy to pray for that poor soul.
Matthew 7:1-5 isn't for 1 person but for all.
Stop quoting scripture out of context.
Aside from Matt 7:1-5, maybe he should try:

Ephesians 4:25-27
Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body. "In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.

and

Galatians 6:4-5
Each one should test his own actions. Then he can take pride in himself, without comparing himself to somebody else, for each one should carry his own load.

So, bringing his whole past to me and saying I will never understand him is an understatement.
I WON'T understand. That's for sure.
But if he's living as a child of God and respecting his parents and loving others, I doubt we'll be in this mess.
I don't expect perfection but I do expect reason and logicality.
So boy, take that log out of your eye for my pity for you has caused me to pray while your anger has caused you to sin.
Meanwhile, I'm going to the place you came from.

I hope I get to talk to some of them there.
HILLSONG!
I'm half excited and half not.

All I'm prepared for is amazingness.

See y'all in a week!

Words of wisdom I need to follow

2009-06-30T21:05:00.002+12:00

Recently, while counseling a Christian man who faced marital, financial and career problems, it dawned on me he was hoping I would say a prayer or give him some kind of supernatural advice to solve his problems. Yet he admitted he himself does not pray. He watches many hours of television, but he doesn’t pray or read the Scriptures. I thought to myself, “How many Christians today face incredibly complex and overwhelming problems, yet never seek God in private prayer?”

May I lovingly ask you some questions? Do you diligently seek the Lord with all your heart and strength regarding your problems and needs? Do you give him quality time in secret prayer, waiting on him? Do you spend at least some meaningful time each day studying his Word? If your answer is no, I would have to honestly say that no one else’s prayers will prevail on your behalf. God expects us all to be in agreement in prayer.

His Word promises, “If you seek the Lord your God, you will find him, if you seek him with all your heart and soul” (Deuteronomy 4:29).

Until God’s people learn to go quickly to him in secret prayer with all their needs and problems, unburdening their souls in his presence, there will be constant disorder and despair. Every time I spend unhurried, quality time with my Lord, I come away refreshed, encouraged and confident God is going to make a way.

If my messages provoke you to get back to praying diligently and in faith, I am convinced you will one day thank me, because you’ll see God’s blessing and favor on all sides. The Lord deeply loves all who seek his face daily. May he forgive us for neglecting him days on end.

- David Wilkerson (taken from http://www.delirious.co.uk)

I think its amazing what prayer can do and I feel bad for not being consistent.
Its not that the world will end but its for the good of yourself and the people around you.
I need to pray over my prayer pointers everyday.
For goodness sake its BESIDE my bed.

Anyway.
I hope Enoch gets over himself soon. I believe I've done all I can.
Only because no other person has the guts to say it except Sarah J and I.

Okay back to study.
This is my very prophetic prayer to God for my exams.
HHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!

:(

Hello hello

2009-06-29T21:52:00.002+12:00

Hello emotional drain.
Nice to meet you again.
That wasn't a song.
I'm just really pissed off, yet not.
Because I humanly honestly cannot be bothered about someone.
But fortunately/unfortunately, God put a heart in me to love and I actually care now.
Gone are the days I could just go "screw you"
But no.
No more.
I'd like to see all of you * in heaven too.
Thats because I know you all won't be * in heaven.
So good for all of us.
For now, all everyone should know is that God is my first and my only.
Nothing can stop me now.

Not even a little annoying princess called ENOCH.

Let me know I can breathe again

2009-06-28T10:58:00.001+12:00

Let me know where I stand.

Wake up dude.

2009-06-28T00:36:00.001+12:00

There must be something in the air.
Will you catch me if I fall?
The agonizing reality
Is the truth of it all.

Dream Again

2009-06-27T13:48:00.000+12:00

Reigniting flames of passion for the things you used to love.
When its lost, its hard to get it back.
You mother took it away.
You schedule took it away.
In fact, it was you who took it away and only you can bring it back.

Oh great stupid titles.

RIP MJ 1958 - 2009

2009-06-26T17:57:00.003+12:00

Despite rumours and truths and court cases, he was a legend nonetheless.

Here's a salute to you MJ.

Romans 12:3

2009-06-23T00:57:00.001+12:00

For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you.

"And we know for certain because when two people are functioning in true humility, it is impossible for them not to get along." - Dean Sherman, 2003, Relationships

I think I've only had ONE relationship like that.
Still is.
And I love it.

I know what I'm talking about.
Its not my place to argue but it's difficult to "love your neighbour".
It must be possible to love AND be firm.
Problem is, how?
Seen it, still don't know how.
Especially when people just keep coming at you and stuff like your grades are at stake.
As much as I don't wish to say anything about it, I would rather say something and find some way to settle this.
But I don't see any way to settle it except through fervent prayer for this particular problem.
It's not the person, its the problem.
And that problem is pride.

I try. I'm still human.
But I try.

I need a song Jesus.
Soon.
Give me something good.
I will have a good next song for PW,
Amen.

Trains and sewing machines

2009-06-21T22:34:00.000+12:00

How does such a simple song become so catchy and complicated?
Amazing.

I know its retarded but WHEN'S IT GONNA BE MY TURN TO BE ENGAGED?!
Mara's like the happiest person on earth now.
Haha.

I'm okay.
I'm alright.
HAHAHA.

Blah.

I dream a dream

2009-06-21T12:00:00.000+12:00

You know my titles don't say completely what they want to say.

Neway,
I had a dream.

It was a stupid dream and now I feel like I haven't actually slept.
Freaking long dream about my bag and how I lost it.
Somehow, I remember the EXACT details of the place.
But strange people were there.
I had 2 annoymous friends and we were rushing off .
But we were at the 3rd storey of some building that had a boardroom.
There was a meeting in that room about some production stuff that Caleb was in. -.-
Chairs outside the room in a row.
For some reason, 2 of us were sitting there.
Then we had to run but I forgot my bag (which I actually remembered but remembered to forget)
Then I got to a classroomy place (at PL) then went "OMG I LOST MY BAG!"
So I ran back into that boardroom thing and looked for the people who worked there and they said they saw it but its not there anymore.
And I cried cos all my songs were in there. (but I also remembered that all my songs were on my laptop so I don't really know why I cried)
THEN I went on this hunt for my bag because it was red and prominent.
For some reason I said "I lost my expensive bag"
It wasn't even a nice bag. ( to me at least.)
It was pentagon with a few coloured stripes near the shorter width.
The rest was green with 2 red handles.
It was weird.

SO ANYWAY.
That was that.

I officially wasted a whole weekend.
I need to start on my aural.
Like now.
So I'll be going off as soon as I say
CONGRATULATIONS MARA & BOB!
The starjump duo just got engaged on Lake Wanaka.
Its amazing.
So much love.
I mean girt.
Well love for now.
I'd like to get married.
Soon.
Oh well.
I guess I have some things to do first ay.
Yeah.
I'm ruining my own life.
K bye.

Object Writing

2009-06-18T22:52:00.002+12:00

Okay.
So this is something Pat Pattison suggests we do everyday. I shall try it.
Its probably gonna suck but I hope I get something from it.
Conditions:
1) Only sensory descriptions
2) No reflections during the process
3) Strictly 10 mins, no more, no less.
4) No editing.
I think thats it.
Object, bicycle.
Here goes.

BEGIN

Bicycle. Strong sturdy frame.
Cycling on the hot road in the summer heat.
Next to the sea. The waves crashing, over the voices of the people on the shore.
The smell of the salt content in the sea.
The boardwalk creaks with the weight of cyclists riding over it.
Brown and worn wooden boardwalk.
Forests in Sarawak.
Bamboo bridge.
Green, with strings used to tie the seemingly thin bamboo together.
As you cross, the bamboo bends a little with the weight.
Grasping onto it, the bamboo rubs against my skin, smooth yet rough.
Rough enough to grip but smooth and cool.
Below, more undergrowth.
The plants around smell fresh and the leaves reflect the sun with dancing colours of green, yellow, brown and gold.
Heart pounding, shoulders and legs aching from the journey, I moved on with the group.
We got to a small incline, problem was, on either side were vertical walls, probably worn with the violent weather.
A thin pillar

Hokai. WHAT?
I have no idea what I'm doing but I'm sure I'm doing SOMETHING right.
JOHN MAYER! POST YOUR OBJECT WRITING ON TWITTER!
I'd really love to see it.
I hear people swear by it.
I hope I make a habit of it.

Anyway. That was pretty interesting.
I kinda had to think in reference to what Pat Pattison was talking about today, the object writing example he was talking about.
I feel a little stupid.
I need a book and make sure the door's closed.
These 3 days have been awesome, although I wish I spent more time actually talking to the man.
And yes darling Pat. I'd like an ice-cream.
Hypothetically, I'm married to him, Mara's slept with him and Sarah J was going to marry him.
HAHA.
Thats pretty interesting.

It was cool hanging out with Brett those brief moments.
Brett's cool. He opens up in the most hilarious ways.
I quote "The guy you see in school is the same guy at home" He critiques his kids at dinner when they say grace, later they discuss about the pitch and tone.
HAHA.
We girt you Brett.

90% of your works is not your best 10%, did you know that?
80% of your works is not your best 20%, and so on.
Its amazing how much of a revelation it can be. LOL.

I girt Pat Pattison.
If I could, I would go to Berklee.
If I could.
But I really like Vision.
I'm pretty excited about some exams although I'm kinda freaking out and I have an essay to finish by tomorrow. (why am I still doing this?)
I can't wait for tour and inspire conference. (LETS WRITE A SONG FOR TOUR!)

We can all sing together and produce oxytocin together.
That will be more information for another day.
I girt oxytocin.

984 words, 1016 words to go.

Lots of girt. :)
ZAB

The Great Non-Escape

2009-06-17T22:38:00.000+12:00

Mara: can I fart?
Sarah J: No... Go outside in the corridoor to do it...
Mara: **fart*
Mara: ooh too late
Sarah J: geez.. I heard that over my music oi
Mara: ooh you're probably gonna smells it soon too... hur hur hur euhhhhh hur hur ehhhuurrr hur hur euhhhh hurrrr

Just thought that was hilarious.
Glad I'm safe. Ahha.
I Girt Mara.
So much fushlug.

HAHA. Hokai.
Back to essay.
824 words so far.
1176 words to go.

Two words

2009-06-14T11:48:00.000+12:00

I need to think of two words I really like.
:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

Well, being sick has certainly got its advantages.
1) I get to stay home and eat sick people food and not spend money ...whoops. Well for a while.
2) I get to actually do some work because there's nothing else to do.
3) I'm forced to rest.
4) And I'm forced to open my door.

If you know me at all, I like to live with my door closed, just because I don't like unwanted guests.
But its definitely healthier with it open. All the nice, cool, not so hot fresh air comes in. (You'd think the temperature will drop for winter faster although I'm pretty sure it will overnight.)
So now, I'm pretty much living in a naturally air-conditioned room.
Lovely.

Hillsong united's not so bad.
They might be happy-clappies but some of their albums are pretty good.
Some meaning 2. Lol.
I really don't think the latest album is very exciting.
I realised, as much as I like something, I won't get into it until I know something worth being excited about.
Like Haley posting her song lyrics on her blog.
It probably is a good song! I'm not saying its not cos she's AMAZING.
BUT. Reading the lyrics, I'm just like......... ...........
I have nothing to say.
Anyway. John Mayer's new songs look REALLY good.
Check out Heartbreak Warfare!

My muse.
I need to write a song!
Life of a songwriter.
Have I mentioned John Mayer is THE MAN?

I feel like life is falling into place.
Somehow.
Shrug.
The last time I had this feeling, I felt like life was falling apart.
Its the same feeling but with peace.
Yayness.

Okay. Songwriting time. Who cares about essay?
I mean I do. I'll just stay up all night tonight or monday. Possibly tonight.
I don't know. I really want to write.
OMG K BYE.

THE MAN

2009-06-13T12:17:00.010+12:00

A song I found off the John Mayer site and on youtube.
I loved it.

Anyway. John Mayer is THE MAN.
Possibly especially when I'm gonna meet the guy who taught John Mayer.
Yes. Pat Pattison everyone!
Whoo!

I have a question for John Mayer though.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iAWfvkGMR0s
- sequencer? really? haha.

Anyway. I really miss having audio equipment to play with. FYP period was cool cos I could borrow ANYTHING out for a week, like a Macbook pro with protools and a recorder and many cables, even an SM58. Possibly could've borrowed the 57s and piano mics.

The man is a genius I tell you.
My dream is to hang out with him for a week.
1 week, the life of John Mayer.
I wanna know what he does to write such awesome songs because there's definitely more than rules.
One day.

Now, I have a million and one things to do before my exams come and that includes practicing and studying.
Then there's production assessment, ensemble assessment and ESSAY. Stupid essay.
I will work tonight. I promise.
This cold is getting to my head.
But sometimes it feels good to be sick. You know?
The "I get to stay home and be pampered" feeling.
Although there's no one really here to pamper but myself which is still good.

All these things are so mundane now.
Blablabla work.
Blablabla school.
Blablabla tutors.
Blablabla...okay this is stupid. Shut up.

Have I mentioned John Mayer is THE MAN?
:)

Sick

2009-06-12T21:34:00.002+12:00

This sickness is going to my head.
I've been thinking about the weirdest things like chocolate octopuses (although that sounds like a pretty good idea)
Headache, backache, tummy ache (oh great fun).
A bundle of pain for the weekend. Yay me.

Well, I got a whole 1/2 hour of sleep. I think.
Pfft.
Then this stupid nokia thing just pissed me off.
Yes. Nokia Music Store is so annoying.
I know music needs its copyright and I completely agree with it, BUT they should seriously have a better way than downloading the bloody nokia player cos its taking up space on my laptop and I want to use it as a backing track!
Argh.
Why can't they just have the licenses attached to the song instead of downloading the damn thing online!?
SERIOUSLY.
My advice to people all around. If you have money, BUY THE FREAKING CD!

Okay. So other than that, nothing else is more irritating than K.H. currently. One day I might just say her name here and it might just coome up on google.
Yay her.
Biatch.

Scenario in my head:
Z: So wednesday okay for practice K?
K: I can't wednesdays
Z: Why?
K: I just can't.
Z slaps her hard in the face.
K: WHY DID YOU HIT ME?
Z: I just can't not.

Pfft yeah thats what.

Scenario 2 in my head:
K: How's it going?
(A question most people know not to ask when I'm not in a good mood and its before 10 am)
Z: Not that good until you get out of my face. God bless you though! Biatch.

My dislike for that girl is just unbelieveable.
I am human and so is she.
If she gets to have an excuse I think I do too.

Pain be gone.
Pain in the arse, be gone.

Engaged

2009-06-11T23:27:00.003+12:00

Maybe he likes Killswitch too much.
LOL. What a boy.
Who says "will you marry me in a studio?!"
E.P. Thats right.

Anyway.
Today was cool cos it was an all tutor day!
Caleb in the morning for production
Joanne for aural
Nick for choir
Brett for performance workshop
And we had the honour of having MR DEREK LIND today.

It was cool. He sang the song 'Rusty Nail' again.
It was good.
I did what Paramore sings about again.
"Sing us a song and we'll sing it back to you"
But I sang "Will you go...whoa-oh-oh"

ANYWAY.
If you happen to be from New Zealand,Waikato, Hamilton and HAPPEN be at this particular blog at this particular time,

COME TO THE AUDIOART CAFE THIS 25th JUNE, THURSDAY

eshalon

will be playing.

25/06/2009

5:00 p.m.

atAudioart Cafe

1 Greenwood St, Hamilton, Waikato

Cost: Free

Its worth every cent!

Uh, or whatever is worth to get you there.

Lessons were good but the break between choir and pw was better.

Especially with "Lunch with Brett". (its not a bad thing. I thoroughly enjoyed it.)

And there was Nick and his "Sorry I made you sing today." (I really have been through worse.)

And finally, Caleb's "Respect." something about being sick and still coming and not missing out. Well, thats how I roll yo. That's how I rock.

(to Sarah J: we seriously need to get those rings before they're gone)

Then after pw was the recording of Jeremy's mumbly thingy.

It was fun talking to myself.

Thanx for letting me use the couch Emy!

I guess I should sleep.

I'm coughing my brain out and it might melt and drip out my nose and I'll never know.

I never know who's reading this blog but I know where y'all come from and which part of the world! *sneaky*

bye.

Because I want to do my work and you're a damn fool

2009-06-10T16:24:00.001+12:00

So.
Ensemble was a train wreck but I'm proud to say that I didn't blow up at anyone yet.
Cos when I do, its not gonna be pretty.
In fact, I'm pretty sure I will invoke fear into people and other perspectives of me into other people.
Here's a list:
1) Don't freaking mess with me. I will send you a warning one day.
2) You're not the only person in the class and get your violin intonation right. In other words, your pitching kinda sucks.
3) Your attitude is seriously pissing everyone off.
4) Get your f. act together and do this music thing. If you don't have a passion for music and God, get the hell out of this school.
5) My tolerance is reaching its limit and I have been praying even during lessons. So if you give me more crap I'm gonna throw you a bag full of s.
6) I can't be bothered about being nice anymore. And when I say I can't be bothered, I f. don't f. care about your f. emergencies you f. a. because "I just can't do Wednesday" doesn't f. cut it biatch. What's your emergency? Got a job to blow? Yes connotations you can take into account because I MEAN IT.

I'm here to do music because I love it and its the one thing I can do well. But you can't and if you can't make that effort, GET THE HELL OUT OF MY FACE AND OUT OF MY WAY.

Biatch.

Being civillised is so over.

When I'm not supposed to

2009-06-10T01:01:00.002+12:00

I am one confused person.

This must have been the most interesting month ever.
Not only that, the most emotionally draining month ever thanks to a certain someone.
I need a mentor soon or I will die.

Seriously, you'd think being in a chirstian environment would be more encouraging.
No.
You are WRONG.
Christians are humans too.
And they still let you down okay?
Also, some of them may seem to put God into perspective but they may not live that perspective.
Facades don't count unfortunately.

Caleb's a good tutor.
There's no doubt.
But even if he wasn't, I'm pretty sure there would've been something they can work out with him.
Just to clear it up, he's not a bad tutor.
I actually get what he says. (maybe because of the 3 years I kinda wasted or something)
And if anyone has beef with me, why don't they just approach me with the maturity that the age of 21 is supposed to bring you?
Oh wait.
Maturity is a choice.
Apparently one they didn't make that choice
HAHA.
Pity.

AND people need to understand the concept of music.
Practice makes perfect.
Compromise is key.
Communication is simple and essential.
VERY BASIC THINGS PEOPLE.
Do you need to learn your ABCs again or do you need us to write songs about being a person?

I will now make a public promise to pray for you constantly my dear friend because it is prayer you need and prayer that you deserve.

Prayer pointers (omg I am so methodic):
1) K.H. - attitude and divine experience
2) Mus Yr 1 class - progress and exellence and attitude and walk with God
3) Tutors - Strength, wisdom, power in speech, rest, revelation, families, relationships.
4) Mus students and vision staff and other courses.
5) Myself - Strength, health, wisdom, patience, perseverance, will, inspiration, alertness.

I guess those are good pointers.
That'll probably a good 1/2 hour or longer of prayer a day.
Quite healthy.
Now I just need to pick up my guitar again and add in my worship time.
My goodness where has my discipline gone to?
I don't have it, but I feel God so near when I do ministry speaking into the lives of friends from miles away. (haha miles away)
I'm glad I can still do that.
But maybe I should start to do that here and stop living there.

This is me grasping reality.
You should too.

The sweetest thing, the sweetest thing

2009-06-09T19:54:00.000+12:00

Well today was interesting.
3 people in theology all thanks to someone.
10 bucks who made everyone miss class...

Anyway.
Kate, Sarah J and I were in theology and it was a nice intimate session.
Intimate in the most decent way possible thanks.
It was a good heart to heart. Not so much.
Uh, it was mostly 1 person ranting.
Good DVD though, although I've seen it and took notes and didn't bring the notes.
Thanks to Glenn for the DVD.

Then there was a heads up about a practice exam for production so we went to study at my place.
Then we went for the exam and I made the best comment I've kept to myself for so long.
"Welcome to a full class today Caleb."
I mean, seriously.
Who tells the whole class not to go for class and then knows that she made them miss class and goes "Well IT WAS IN YOUR EMAIL. READ YOUR EMAIL."
We're not theology 1. We're freaking worship theology!
Then there was something about not caring that she told everyone there was no class.
Whatever.
At least the three of us got to learn something and we'll share with those who actually bother to learn.

Dominique was sweet. She made Sarah J a cake!
A complete chocolate cake.
It was awesome.
Chocolate EVERYTHING.
Nick was a little more excited about it than the rest of the tutors. HAHA.

I think I really do live out "Sing us a song and we'll sing it back to you."
Done it to 2 people already.
Yay. Go vision tutors!

Right.

I need more friends.
Hurry up Kelvin!
Whoever you are.
And the other guy who may or may not be coming.

K.
Uh.
Bye.

There is love in music

2009-06-08T23:28:00.000+12:00

This is possibly the most awesome thing I've seen.
Not really but you know how it is when a teeny little change to a song makes all the difference.
Well yes. I had no idea what that song was until recently. Coincidentally, I looked up Travis Barker. Here you go...Soulja boy - Travis Barker Remix.

Wasn't that awesome?
Yeah. Freaking awesome.
This weekend has been interesting since the people we never talk to during weekends actually spoke.
SCARY.
And I need money for food.
I should have a sign outside my room that says:
"Will sing for money."
That'll be cool.

And Nick's just hilarious. He disrupted my piano practice momentarily to thank Sarah J and I for going to watch Eshalon.
Honestly, I wouldn't mind paying to watch them.
Or even FBW (but don't tell anyone that).
They're really good like you would not believe.
Well, if anyone catches Eshalon anywhere, listen out for my top 3 favourite songs!
1) Pretending
2) Will You Go
3) Beautiful
And finally, I don't know if its gonna be an Eshalon song or a Nick original but "Road Trippin'" is a good song.

FBW's (Just so they don't come up in the search engines until I'm confident of that happening) songs to look out for are:
1) Nightvision
2) When Your Voice Fails
3) Lines
Those are my top 3. :)

Check the above 2 bands out on myspace!
http://www.myspace.com/eshalonband
http://www.myspace.com/fbwtheband
Cool.

I can't believe I'm promoting on this blog but okay.
I guess it is part of my personal/public life.
You know what I mean.

K bye.

Hail!

2009-06-07T22:52:00.002+12:00

Back building!

Back building outside.

Yes. Hail.

That was a bajillion years ago but I still loved it. :D Yay Vision!

The Glamorous

2009-06-06T15:04:00.000+12:00

I really miss Gossip Girl.
Well, its been an interesting week with 3 people in a class on wednesday and 1 in another at the end of that day.
I loved Thursday morning though. I think they needed it. But also, there might not be any change in the attitude of people.
Unfortunate for them.

As much as I love the second years, I really like our first year class but this is just bad.

Pfft. I have work to do.
Don't know where to start.
I need a plan soon.
And get my environment sorted.
And study for exams.
And prepare for our stupid assessment.

What a mundane few weeks.
I feel the need to rhyme.

Its a real song!

2009-06-04T18:48:00.003+12:00

LOL. Thanx Brett. Thanx a lot. hahaha.
Nah. Performance workshop was cool today.
It was a good day.
It began with my favourite part of the day. Caleb being pretty pissed at the class.
BUT it was a good thing because it would sort everything out.
The people who did wrong would either change or just not.

I'm pretty sad for some of the attitudes of the people in the class.
It's just sad that you don't reflect what it is to be a Christian and affect the grades of other people and upset everyone involved.
That's not loving people, even if you do say sorry.
It really is sad and despite being really annoyed, I pity them.

Next was aural!
Amazing class. I got my previous test back and I GOT 94%!
Thats an A+!!!!!!!
Its exciting. Only question for myself is, HOW DID I MISTAKE A MINOR FIRST INVERSION FROM AN AUGMENTED ROOT POSITION!?
I'm impossible. *shakes head*

Okay.
Next up was choir.
Nick cracks me up.
So here's what happened - brief and inaccurate reenactment.
N: So guys, Joanne wanted us to do this song by Selah, its called Press On. We're gonna be doing it for Inspire conference. We have 2 soloists and the choir. SO, I decided on the 2 soloists.
ME: (thinking) YAY! BREONY! and probably Adam! or Sam!
N: Joice and ZAB
ME: That's random. WHAT?!
N: You okay with that?
ME: *nods*
MY GOODNESS.
OKAY. First of all, I don't know how big inspire conference is, but I would guess pretty big.
Secondly, I'm afraid of who is gonna be there!!!
At least Nick said he would be considering other people for the soloist part.
I would gladly step aside. But I'm still honoured that I was picked.
Thanx. :D

Lastly,
PERFORMANCE WORKSHOP!
Despite having to play for Sarah J and just finding out yesterday, I think it went quite well.
I quote: Nice accompaniment (whoever said this, thanx.)
My song was a little less amazing than I expected it to be but I guess it was alright since Brett said quite a few good things about it like the words that I used and the musical aspect.
And the best part was, HE CALLED SARAH J AND I BUDDING SONGWRITERS! YAY!
Thanks to Caleb for doing sound this week. Oh how we missed you. Or at least I did.
And Nick! Yay! He was there for my SW performance!
I can't wait for the comments.
OKAY.
So Derek Lind is coming next week. Its gonna be cool.

Thats it for today.
Birthday kids this week:
SARAH J
WAISALE
JOANNE W.
NICK K.

Blog worthy

2009-06-01T03:42:00.000+12:00

Today/yesterday was a blog worthy day.
Church was really interesting and after was cool.
Mara, Sarah J, EPizzle and I went to Macdonalds for food. Yay.
Then Tim joined us. And he did kinda look like Jamie Oliver. Only smaller.
Went to school...which was somewhere we didn't really want to go.
THEN we decided to go get Adam.
Drove to the park...someone's genius idea with the 5degree cold wind blowing from the south.
Then apparently someone got flashed at by someone else (who possibly learnt from Sam Larsen.lol.)
Then we did a whole driving game and Sarah J got us back to Adam's with her eyes closed.
A whole lot of screaming there. From me at least.
And in the middle of the morning, we decided to stop at the bakehouse to get food!
So now eating my pie for breakfast before I sleep, (screws your mind chronologically) I'm pretty happy cos for one, I know that Eastside is a place I wanna be even if I'm not serving. Two, I've got really interesting friends. Three, my friends think I'm 'special'. Four, I made a new friend. Five, (very important) I KNOW THE BAKEHOUSE SELLS GRASSJELLY!

Very good day.

I hope this pie doesn't have cheese in it.
Well, we'll find out when I wake up ay?
Or don't. HAHA.

And, I think Caleb shouldn't go on such long trips again. HAHA.
Night.

Do YOU want a hug?

Content and want

2009-05-30T11:45:00.002+12:00

Things to do to be contented:
1) Get guitar and amp. (HINT)
2) Get guitar soft case (to carry because I might die with the hard case)
3) Thank God that school has amps unlike RP. (esp. the marshall one)

Yeah I guess that will make me pretty much contented.

Things I WANT:
1) Piano (for practice and convenience)
2) Acoustic gat (just for sound)
3) Macbook pro/Mac (to support certain programmes)
4) Protools
5) Any good preamp
6) Ableton live
7) Guitar stand (because its cool to put your guitar on a stand and it takes less space)
8) Good speakers (Mackie? :D 5.1)
9) Money to send my baby for stringing (because its got a lock and its hard ): )

That's right.
So many things.
Some of them I used to have permenantly/temporarily.
But what I really want now is my guitar so that I can write songs and practice on a better one.

This makes me want to scream.
Although I've been removed from the difficulty of my "old" life, I'll have to manage with inconvenience.
*SCREAMS*

:(
:(
:(

Will God grant me with these things?
It would take a miracle but miracles happen don't they. :)
I know by all family finances combined, I hardly think we can afford so much as half a mac. (hardly even an acoustic gat.)
But I think God's given me more resources to work with, I just need to get to it. :D
Its pretty awesome.

I'm glad my sanity is still intact.
Love You Jesus!

3-2-1

2009-05-29T19:51:00.003+12:00

A glimmer of light shone through the thick layer of black on the window.
With the little illumination, you could faintly make out the shapes in that room.
It was small, almost claustrophobic. The lack of ventilation made the wood smell old.
Sometimes, you might think where you step, little creatures scramble to get away.
A mirror sat in the corner reflecting what it could, a cloth, yellow with time half draped over it.
You can hardly call it a room. It was really more of a closet.
But that was where life was.
Life was in that closet - boxed in and old.
The only light that shines in, no one bothers to allow more of it to light up the room but wait longer and longer until it dims, flickers, and dies.

Just like me.

Do the Helen Keller and talk with your hips

2009-05-29T19:43:00.001+12:00

Man I miss boy company. Not the annoying boy company.
The boy company that can stand girl crap.
Not the whiny girl crap. The "ooo shopping!" girl crap.

Watching Ghost Whisperer freaks me out occassionally but it also makes me cry very constantly.
Stupid married couple. So lovely.
Jim and Melinda.
*dreams*

Anyway.
Today's lessons were alright.
Lesson with Chris wasn't a complete let down although I freak out, as usual, and I can't play what I practiced properly.
Which is sad.
Songwriting was good til a specific moment.
Then we went to do Sebellius.
Which was pretty cool with Brett there, him being funny and fatherly.
HAHAHA.

I seriously need lyrics.
I see so many things wrong with my song but I don't know how to change it.
Sad.
I need GOOD lyrics.
I have to be awesome.
I can't let this go anywhere else but all the way up.

Help me, please.

Bridal College

2009-05-27T01:11:00.000+12:00

I mean...Christian College.

haha.
Thanks Sarah Jay.
Now I'm all excited about next semester.
Apparently a new guy's coming next semester; guitar major.
Whoo.

I also really hope I get some sleep today and so that tomorrow won't be such a mess especially when Caleb's not there for ensemble. :(
We will miss you Caleb!
AND NICK. OMG.
ABANDONMENT DOES NOT GET ANY WORSE THAN THIS.
God help me. Someone save me from the clutches of Brett.
Haha. Don't get me wrong. I love Brett.

So I stay up late.
I'm a night person.
Brett must think I don't sleep or I sleep really late.
"nice one! I like the fingerboard ... now go to sleep!"
Whoopsee.
Sure will if Joanne allows me to because you replied at 8.57am on a monday morning!

GAYYYY.

Sarah and I heard Eshalon practicing in the main building today.
It was cool!
At least we thought it was Eshalon.
I CAN'T WAIT FOR THEIR EP!
I'm probably more excited for their EP than any other album now.
Yes, even Paramore.
IT IS SAD.
But true.

Alright. Its 1:09am.
In the words of Brett: "now go to sleep!"
Just because I can now.
Yayah!

I love Vision.
Rox muh sox
Rules muh pools
Ticks muh picks
I love Vision

K bye.

Back at you

2009-05-23T11:07:00.001+12:00

http://new.music.yahoo.com/blogs/realityrocks/215180/aikens-lambert-rant-claymate-turns-to-clayhate/

Clay Aiken rips Lambert on blog.

I have one thing to say to him (with no biasness at all on Lambert's part because I don't like idol this season either) - "its not like you were that great. You make my ears bleed too."

Pfft. Despite your fame, you're not that great.
Ruben really was a good man and had a versatile voice.
Keyword being versatile.
Ruben is to Clay what Breony is to me.
AWESOME.
I guess Clay's just gotta pick the right songs and possibly change his tone + image + sound.
Not saying the people did a bad job of it.
It was good but how often do you hear that name on the radio now?

I very much like AI, but the only 2 contestants I truely enjoyed watching were Ruben and David Cook.

Pop culture is amazing.
You'll hear from me more about this in coming months when I take my history of pop paper.

To Simon Cowell who might never ever ever ever never ever never read this:
People need MEAN sometimes. There's constructive criticism, and there's plain "I don't care about you so I'm just gonna nod it off." (pretty sure enough of the good comments come from the other 3; although I would say I trust Brett, Caleb, Joanne and Nick more.)

Whoopdeedoo.
Back at you too.

Caleb got glasses

2009-05-22T17:12:00.003+12:00

Yay! Today is a good day!
Not just cos Caleb got glasses and he finally looks like a husband.
I am so glad he doesn't come here.

So today is a good day because:
1) Piano lesson
Piano lesson was better cos I know what I'm doing for my exam.

2) Songwriting lesson
Songwriting lesson was REALLY good. Firstly because Carolyn wasn't there. Second, Brett and I had an interesting chat after our fruitful lesson ended...about converse, Blink, jazz, Dream Theatre, my life and Singapore. He said he should visit someday. EXCITING.

Intermission
It was almost Vocal lesson so I was outside Nick's office.
Then Sarah Jay was talking and someone was on the other side of the door AND I COULDN'T LOOK AWAY.
I thought it was Jeremy at first then I looked again and it was CALEB!
SCARY.
Nice glasses though.

3) Vocal lesson.
Well, I was singing "Respect" in Nick's office then I got to the chorus and Brett was standing outside Nick's window doing his gangster dance. HAHA. It was amazing. I cracked up in the middle of lessons.

Anyway.

That wasn't universal but I thought I'd just blog it cos it was interesting and I want to remember it forever.
It was the most awesome songwriting class ever.

This blog entry isn't about Sarah Jay
But she's awesome anyway.
Sarah Jay's cooler than Caleb
But not cooler than his glasses (word that rhymes with Caleb)

Caleb is cool.
For sure.
Brett is cool.
For shizzle.

Guitar Guitar

2009-05-21T16:38:00.002+12:00

Today's performance workshop was nothing short of amazing!

Everyone did so well!!!

And I especially like the finale. MATT.
His guitar sounded so much like Kaki King I had to listen to it immediately.

Okay, so we had to help Jeremy out with his project for production.
It was so cool. There was like this bunch of us singing Mara's song.
The punk version anyway. It was awesome.
The studio's got a flaw though.
There's no communication between rooms and not enough headphones for a talk back system.
Sad ay.
But well, that short experience was really fun anyway! :)

I can't wait to touch protools again.
I don't think I really remember how to work it.
I hope I do when I get down to doing it.
Hopefully it will be good.

Okay. IT WILL BE GOOD.

Can't wait to screw up my vocal performance next week.
Freaking Aretha Franklin and RESPECT.
PFFT.
I hope I get to polish it up this week with Nick or I WILL DIE.

And I'm glad I didn't watch American Idol.
Looked pretty much like a waste of time.
Phew.

'Cause I love you with a forever kind of love

Awkward

2009-05-18T22:24:00.000+12:00

"Daddy - don't you think that's what a toddler or child would call their father?"

"I wouldn't know."

Come Away

2009-05-17T22:05:00.002+12:00

4.25pm
Well. I just finished writing my song to show Brett.
Pfft.
I need an idea for my other song.

Yesterday was an interesting day though.
Interesting in a good and bad way.
Dealing with people is just strange.
But what can you do when God made them.
Gah.
Hokai, so,
If a stranger asks you if you've been playing any instruments for long and if you've done music theory and written many songs, would that be an insult?
I wouldn't and I'm not just saying that. Cos I've got questions like these before in almost the same situation and I definitely didn't feel insulted.
Other than that, don't you think, although you were insulted, when someone gives feedback with a plausible solution would have the intention to HELP?

Ah yes.
Menacing.
Evil.
Deceitful.
Whatever you want to say about me.
Don't care.

9.54pm
K. Just came back from Eastside.
I'm okay with the building.
Its actually inviting.
But other than Mara and the familiarity of the songs, I don't think I really want to be there.

On to another topic.
MARRIAGE!
HAHAHA.
Well, 4 people have told me they want to get married.
All very eligible! But all very far. Except for one.
This also makes me feel really old thank you. OLD.

Sarah-Jay says "I should be working. Its five past...no its not. Its five to ten." *screeches inaudibly*

Just something random for your entertainment.
Believe it. We're still at school.
Haha.
We're cool.
*cue awkward music*

Here's something awesome to calm your nerves...
May I introduce you to Nick Kranzlin. :D

Good night seattle!
I mean...haha...whoops.

Quote of the day

2009-05-16T20:25:00.000+12:00

"If there are any common denominators, they are spirit and musicality. I go for the music that gives me goose bumps, music that touches my heart and my soul." - Quincy Jones

Thats right.
Thanks for hooking me up with Quincy, Tak.
Joking.

Looking at producers, songwriters and musicians are so inspiring.
Right now, I just want to intern with a studio engineer so I can figure out what they do with music that makes it so good.
I know what to do with Protools but I don't control it, it controls me.
Gotta learn to be the master of the programme!

Also, I need my guitar so that I can get back my chemistry with my baby.
Oh so sweet.
Guitar guitar.
Oh how I miss you guitar + amp.

And my piano.
My precious yamaha.
How do you realise you took your piano for granted?
By moving miles away from it where you have no money to get one and no way of getting your old one because it is too expensive.
Gotta thank God for the people of Hamilton though.
Lovely neighbours they are.
Anna, Joanne's friend, has got 3 piano and is a piano teacher herself and understands the pains of not having an instrument that is yours to practice on.
Thank you.

Oh the pain.
I have an exam coming and none of my pieces are done or fluent.
Stupid ex piano teacher.
If you think I didn't practice then, look at where I am now.
Freaking idiot.
Wasted 3 years of my life stuck at grade 6 and now I have to get back the momentum to do my grade 7.
Sucks.
SUCKS.

Piano teachers who have no patience are not piano teachers.
They're robbers. PFFT.
$170 x 12 x 3 = too much money wasted.
So yes, I suggest if your piano teacher does that, you better take your grades and get it over with rather than wait.
YOU WILL REGRET IT.

Hate it.
Poor Chris has to now put up with my disgusting piano playing.
Can't even improv for jazz now when I could be taking my diploma in piano NOW.
That's okay.
I'll have a BMus with a double major in 2.5 years and nothing's gonna stop me - except Berklee Music College in Boston! and money.
It's God's bill.
Thanks for that Dad. :)

\m/

The answer is simply on my lips

2009-05-15T20:02:00.000+12:00

You never close your eyes anymore when I kiss your lips

And there's no tenderness like before in your fingertips

You're trying hard not to show it, (baby)

But baby, baby I know it...

You've lost that lovin' feeling,

Whoa, that lovin' feeling,

You've lost that lovin' feeling,

Now it's gone...gone...gone...wooooooh

Now there's no welcome look in your eyes when I reach for you

And now your're starting to critisize little things I do

It makes me just feel like crying, (baby)

'Cause baby, something in you is dying

You lost that lovin' feeling,

Whoa, that lovin' feeling

You've lost that lovin' feeling,

Now it's gone...gone...gone...woooooah

Baby, baby, I get down on my knees for you

If you would only love me like you used to do, yeah.

We had a love...a love...a love you don't find everyday

So don't...don't...don't...don't let it slip away

Baby (baby), baby (baby),

I beg of you please...please,

I need your love (I need your love),

So bring it on back (So bring it on back),

Bring it on back (so bring it on back)

Bring back that lovin' feeling,

Whoa, that lovin' feeling

Bring back that lovin' feeling,

'Cause it's gone...gone...gone,and I can't go on,noooo...

Bring back that lovin' feeling,

Whoa, that lovin' feeling

Bring back that lovin' feeling,

'Cause it's gone...gone...

Do you know how painfully awkward it is for your songwriting tutor to read that out to you?

B: You never close your eyes anymore when I kiss your lips

Me: uh...

C: *smirk*

B: And there's no tenderness like before in your fingertips

Me: Gasp *choke*

C: *smirks more*

B: See, the rhyme scheme in 'lips' and 'tips'

Me: (thinking) if you know what I mean. *dies*

Anyway. It was one good lesson. I mean, other that feeling that C is stealing B away from me from lessons and C taking up all her diva-ness and putting it into a lesson, I don't hate her.

REALLY.

You can laugh.

It's probably a lie.

Have I mentioned how much I adore Dr Martens?

These are absolutely gorgeous.

Just so you know I'm 21 next year. *hint*

I'm actually just really sick of having friends like these.
Just let me be a complete a.hole now.
What the hell am I doing?
I mean seriously.
I don't have a piano to practice on, I suck at piano, I can't freaking sing and my song are like absolute crap.
What talent?
I have an exam in 5 weeks and some bass lovers like to rub it in that bass is awesome.
I'll tell you now, SHUT THE HELL UP.

A piece of advice I got this week was - you're never too good to perform anywhere. Good advice. But what if you're poo and you can't do? - HAHA rhyme. So not funny.
Dammit.
"I ain't coming back no more."
Definitely.

SO.
Have you heard of Kimbra? She's awesome.

Remember, Singapore is a good place for FOOD.

Thats about all to remember about that.

Tips to being a people person/better person

2009-05-13T02:21:00.002+12:00

1) When someone's relative/loved one dies, don't say it was just like when your pet died because it really is different.
2) Think about what the hell you're saying before saying it.
3) Get your stupid priorities sorted THEN come tell me you have a problem and give a damn solution.
4) I'm not a lifesaver float - for you to cling on to.

So thus, my next song for my vocal performance is called Respect. The one thing you never earned from me.

Biatch.

The S factor

2009-05-13T01:36:00.000+12:00

If anyone has watched the S factor (singapore), I pity your eyes and ears.
Firstly, some of them are pretty, some aren't really.
Secondly, their england is good like...

It embarresseseses me to say I'm a Singaporean.
I'm glad I'm half kiwi so now I can just say I'm kiwi and whatever talent you think I have will be to these people who do not embarress me! Well some do. Most don't.
My goodness.

Okay. SO.
After today's series of events, I think I really like Caleb's classes.
No pressure! Best part of it.
Sounds like production in third year will be awesome. :D
I would like to take that even if I have enough credits.
Beats writing a stupid essay. Pfft.
I just don't like writing much now.
Sad but true.

Caleb! Send your lyrics man!
Grr.

How does Nick K do it?
All this awesomeness oozing from my school.
I can't stay away!

They should have Vision Hostel. It would be awesome.
Everyone will get sick of each other by the end of 3 years and never be late for school.
Yay!

Hooray for vegetating street lamps, fermented rotting moose corpse,mutated turds and mutating throbbing eyeballs.
Love Mara, Sarah J and Adam.
Not so much Adam but okay. haha.

Its your blood in my veins

2009-05-12T01:12:00.003+12:00

These past few (insert time span here) have been truely fulfilling/unfulfilling. (please delete when appropriate)

I've been to Rotorua and back, spent a week in an empty house eating, drinking and watching movies, baby sitting, and things that should not be read by human eyes.
Other than these, there's been a lot of thinking going on. (stupid poly, ruined me.)
So, I've been thinking about the people in my life and about myself. (Reflection journal)
So it seems that I may have been a tad bit unlike me. I like it like that.
It makes me less angry, less worried, have better patience, but also less passionate.
I need songs that speak and not one hit wonders.
I need will power to be consistent instead of the procrastinator that I am.
And Thank God for this,

John 20:29 (New International Version)
Then Jesus told him, "Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed."

I've been waiting like I have been. Its scary that I might fall back into old ways.
Stupid emotions. Go away. I mean stay. Just linger nearby.
Sick of this.

Stupid Glenn, making me miss him. Just a bit.
I'm fine.
Its 1 am on a Tuesday.
Caleb day! Whoo!
Extended production class! Whoo!
Theology in the morning! Whoo!
Thats just me saying it without passion but still looking forward to it, hoping one day it will magically appear without the whole emotional drama and what nots.

What not?
I don't know.
PFFT.
Stop asking me these questions!
I've got a void.
But only with faith and hope
And love, let's not forget the most important,
Will it be filled by the power of Christ that sets me free.

Let my heart beat double time.
For you.

Bob Dylan Electric Gospel Band

2009-05-04T00:40:00.002+12:00

Last night, the Bob Dylan Electric Gospel Band played at Eastside.
It was a good experience for my ears.
And especially when you watch your tutor play, it's definitely something good to take home with you.
Go Brett!
It was an awesome evening. Except for the part Sarah Jay and I were so kindly annointed with hot wax.
That was not cool man.

Seriously.
Pfft.

Anyway. Love it.
And I can't wait to meet Derek Lind in a few weeks to ask him about his song Rusty Nails.
Absolutely awesome.

August Rush is still inspiring.

That's a lot of As.
Hopefully I get those in my grades.

Can't wait for the next break. It's gonna be awesome, as much as I love school.
I need serious practice and a guitar I can move on.
This one's good for about the first 5 frets. lol.

Para bailar la bamba
Para bailar la bamba se necesita una poca de gracia
Una poca de gracia pa mi pa ti
Y arriba y arriba
Night.

JLC

2009-04-26T22:14:00.003+12:00

If you haven't met JLC, you should.

What an eventful evening. It wasn't good, but it wasn't bad either.
Sarah and a whole bunch of people got their tyres slashed.
We had the privillage of having 2 tyres slashed and having one spare.
The other is occupied by a space saver.
Thank you people who helped.
I'm sorry I was totally useless tonight though.
I have no idea how to change a tyre.

Anyway.
JLC is a pretty cool american.
You've gotta hear his story to know it.
HTBT moment.
I thought that it was awesome what Rev Wayne (I think) did -
A good number of fairly well known gang members surrounding the man in a restaurant, threatening to do to him what he would do to the chicken on his plate. At that moment, the Rev picked up the chicken and kissed it.
*moment of silence for your reaction*
If you cracked up at that, that's exactly what everyone else in the restaurant was doing.
It was hilarious. But you know that definitely, there was something at work there.

Well Johnny, thank you for tonight.
You've made my night a pretty entertaining one.
Apprarently our pastor's got threats about it and now we got slashed car tyres.
Honestly, its sad.
I mean, as much as its not my car, it probably is pretty annoying.
Despite that, for one I think it was good no one got hurt and second, some people need Jesus more than we do now.
It was a good experience and you know I'm ready for anything. I just friggin need more talent in situation management.

I just wanna also say thank you to Johnny LC for igniting something in me.
God putting me in situations always comfortably uncomfortable so much I have come to love a crisis.
Wait on God, praise Jesus and He will definitely provide. :)
Can I hear an AMEN in the house?!

Love you church!
Love you God!
Love you Jesus!

Par T

2009-04-25T02:24:00.002+12:00

Today's been awesome man.
Happy birthday Sarah C!
Have a blessed 21st!

Crazy day.
But I loved it.
I'm actually a little lazy to blog.
But it was an awesome day so I had to say it was an awesome day.
My eyes are tired from wearing contacts.
Boo.
:(

Goodnight people.
Check facebook for more awesomeness and possibly some entertaining videos when I get them approved. lol.

I don't know anymore

2009-04-18T01:14:00.002+12:00

What I'm thinking about is way beyond me.
It just crazy thoughts that are actually painful to talk about.
God keep me in line.
Please.

But still, show me something I can work with.
I need to focus. A lot more.

I need direction. Now.

Ma ma ma ma...

2009-04-17T00:52:00.002+12:00

I like Lady Gaga.
Sexy and not too girly.
Strong and interesting enough to not be basic pop but slightly more exciting.

I'm being RANDOM.
Who doesn't like that word?
We'll take it outside.
C'mon.

Alright. Its been a long time since I've posted anything.
I admit, it's been a long and gruelling holiday and I can't wait for school to start.
I know I don't like homework, but its not killing me enough to say I don't like school. I love school and I'm learning something, which is what I go to school for.
Yes, I love school.
So sue me.
If you don't then, well POO TO YOU FOOL.

God's been very exciting too, putting my strange ways to good use.
I guess it can be for good.
Despite being really sleepy now, I still have the enthusiasm to blog.
Blog blog blog.

There's been stuff going on but I still love being here.
I don't have my big "fan base" or my interesting status, but I have friends.
Not that I didn't.
Its just, the way I've been treated is a thin line between "friend" and "used".
Like "She's my friend and she can be used."
Not that any one thought it, but they're definitely doing it unconsiously.
Sucks.

But still, I WASN'T HERE TO TALK ABOUT THAT SH*!
I was here to talk about how great God is!
OMG.
Awesome.
Sucks I can't say it here though, but I'm glad that people are coming closer to God.
Some people.
And I'm proud of them.
VERY PROUD.

Just so you know, I like my culture. Partially.

Yup. Just another RANDOM fact.
Lol. Thank God the person who'll be annoyed at this RANDOM post probably won't read it.

Kudos to Charlie the unicorn and his 2 retarded sidekicks who are actually pretty clever.
By that I mean pretty and clever. ;)

Too damn tired

2009-04-12T20:52:00.001+12:00

I give up.
Wish I died when I tried.

Halfway round the world lies the one thing that you want

2009-04-10T12:23:00.002+12:00

I don't think that.
But it could be a possibility.
I wouldn't mind that plane ride to get to you
Just for a single moment where you can feel better
IF ONLY I HAD THE MONEY.

Well. Yesterday was an interesting (not so) day.
It was interesting when it was ensemble and they did so well with the 2 songs.
Enjoyed it.
YOU GO MARA!
Then Matt's birthday, watched The Castle (haha omg) then spent an hour at the piano doing nothing.
THIS IS WHY I NEED AN INSTRUMENT PEOPLE.
I CANNOT WRITE ANYTHING.
pfft.
I shouldn't be limiting myself to an instrument but I really miss writing with my guitar.

I'll just finish that sad story and hand it to Brett.
Now.

Baby close your eyes don't open til the morning light
Don't ever forget we haven't lost it all yet.

There must be more than this

2009-04-07T21:39:00.003+12:00

Overused but still powerful.
Overused by people who abuse my trust and yet, still powerful.

Well, its been a really great day I guess, although I feel like poo.
Got a 100% on my production assessment and still not up to my expectation.
(I blame the FOH tripods)
Graduated from poly, barely scraping it.
I'm still not satisfied.
I'm never satisfied I guess.
Stupid human nature.

Its been trying.
Freaking emotional trials.
Banana pancakes.

When you get broken, you're vulnerable.
Then you have to get stronger in the right way.
The way I haven't yet lived.
I just got out of it.
From all that on going soul killing.
Words.
Stupid stupid words.

Hurt people, hurt people.
So I'm sorry.
Sucks that no one has any idea about anyone still.
Mostly.
You'd think in a school like that you'll get to know everyone better.
Just some.
Idk.
There must be more than this.

Just tell me what I'm supposed to do, God.

Surrender all
I'm dead to sin
Alive within
I think.

Has never seen such hypocracy

2009-04-05T16:21:00.002+12:00

Well, I'm glad I'm writing the song I'm writing.
It officially doesn't have a tune because I didn't like the original one.
So pooz to you.

Apparently the character's got a little more love than the one I'm actually writing about.
Its amazing.
Oh well. We'll see soon shall we?

I hate this, I hate this
You're not the one I believe in
With God as my witness.