Saturday (August 5) I did the hardest thing. Not that sitting there wasn't difficult. It felt worse than speaking up but I didn't know what to say, especially when I've always been saying things like "Its gonna be alright" or "Its alright". Luke and I decided to take someone off the roster.
What I thought? I thought it sucked, that I couldn't take a friend off just like that. It was just sick. I don't wanna be preachy and everything but I couldn't get it off my mind. I thought and thought, then prayed. God made me give up my family, now my friends, given my family understanding, putting me through some distasterous break up, putting my ministry down and handing the baton to Him. He put me in Clement's care and thank God for a brother like Him.
I was reading this book and it said of this woman who was holding down ministries in her church and even working there. Then one day, the Lord said "Give it all up. Give your job up, your ministries, everything - for me." She left the ministries, gave up her job and soaked in the presence of the Lord. People in the church office criticised her for it. People talked. She didn't care. She was broken as Mary was. She was hungry, as Mary was. She sat at the feet of Jesus and listened with a innocent childish grin on her face, glowing.
Things He said to me as I walked home alone. 1)You've given up almost everything. There's just one more - attitude. 2)You've given him up. Well done child. 3)She's gotta learn to give him up before taking over. 4)Remember when you were asked if you had to give the thing most precious to you? Now is the time.
I'm screwed aren't I? I thought, and cried walking. God, when I sang "Take me, mold me, use me, fill me...Hold me, guide me, lead me, walk beside me, I give my life to the potter's hand" I never thought of it this way. Obviously I meant it. Now all I need is You. For real.
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