Warning:the following post will contain personal content which no one will know about except the person I had a conversation with so when read, don't try to interpret it.
There's nothing like words to make a wonderful moment suck. (If you're waiting for something substantial, yet again, too bad. Its a directive rant post. Things I think and don't say. Bear warning, it will get boring.)
It's that time of your life where the devil decides to plant stupid words into you and make you feel damn useless. Like now. I feel like I'm in a ____ hole (if you can think like me, you know what it is.) Everything I do is stupid. I don't want to be remembered for the things you mentioned thats for sure but the thing I want to be remembered for, I have not achieved. Then you ask so how? Then I "DO". I'm not a verbal direct person. I suck at talking. I can sing but when you hear me talk, you'd rather I just shut up. And its not that I don't want to answer or sometimes, don't know the answer. I just don't feel like speaking. So I smile. And when I smile, you'd rather I stop too. haha. So you see, inferiority complex is probably one of them. Secondly, its not taking enough time to read. Its not like I don't know. The time I take to blog, I take to think. And that's long. But I still take time to read and pray when I can and even worship. I don't even know why I'm blogging now. But I know if I don't, its not gonna be a good day tomorrow and I'm gonna carry it all to camp. It's also a good thing that I think and pray about it before the camp. I know who reads this blog so I can tell I might not get any reaction from this or if I do, it'll probably be another "you wanna go to the beach?" moment. I can't wait to meet Ai Jin again. Sometimes its easier to talk to strangers about it and when you know that stranger can see where you're coming from. Not those stupid psychiatrist/psychologists who get paid for sitting there and thinking they know all the solutions to your life.
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 probably meant something otherwise it wouldn't have popped up 3 unexpected times this year. The only reason I say that what I am remembered for doesn't matter to people was because I don't care what people think of me and all that really matters is what God thinks. You know that the amount of words said won't get in to me unless I do something about it. Thats true. But should I take it up when this is just making me feel like its all my fault that I'm not as grounded in the word as you, or I don't find my identity in Christ like you do? (Btw, whatever judgements people make of my statements here, try not too. Its a biased statement that can be easily misinterpreted.) I know there was a good intention behind it but guess what...
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Everything in this blog is not to be taken literally sometimes.Thank you for reading and leave me a message. =)
