A Momentary Lapse

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Dance in the limelight

I'd just like to say that this isn't normal.
I have a 6-7 hour sleep limit and I've been about up for 2 hours and thinking about my bass part for Larry Norman's "Why Should The Devil Have All The Good Music?".
Ensemble is going to be harsh if it doesn't improve.

I think I need ableton live.
A looping programme with good MIDI sounds or sounds I can use to synthesize myself.
Miss that.

I've been thinking this obsession is too much.
But its going to stop.
Kind of on the slow down track already.
Being unsure just makes everything a little stupid.
Clarity makes it all a little LESS stupid.
Your face is stupid.
Your face's yackbard is stupid.

"...guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life."

More life emphasis please.

So there's a lot that I need to do but I'm just a little tired.
I think it will be a pretty good trip to Raglan if we go. :)
Hopefully an emotional, physical and spiritual rest.
I'm not saying we lie on the beach like beached as whales. (haha get it?)
But like...the whole spirit of things.
Just, restful.

I like how my iTunes plays music the smart way although in random.

I can't wait until my PW week!
We are going to be so deaf today with Jeremy playing Slipknot and Andrew playing Korn.
Its a drummer sandwich. Unfortunately/Fortunately, we have Karen filling.
Pray like never before.

Have Your way here, keep me afloat cos I know I'll sink without You.

Whoa. And cue Blink 182's "I Miss You".
And I do.
AVA flashbacks.
I loved that day.
All the joy and excitement and a good friend who could drive. ;)
Midnight prata, missing drumsticks (glares at Selwyn) (you know I love you right?), collecting picks, wondering about set lists.
All I needed to take away from that was a good long look from Tom Delonge.
Yayah.

This must be one really long and pointless rant but I have another...hour?
Yeah. Aural at 11am and its now 8.37am.

I love Thursdays.
So cruisy.
Fridays have become a little strange.
Piano in the morning for an hour, songwriting (good but I still dread it) for 2 hours.
After 1 semester, as much as it isn't a competition for grades, I want to do better than the other person with me in the class.
I do not believe she can get a grade higher than me.
My portfolio has to beat hers hands down.
I need to step it up.
C'mon!

Sigh.
Something was going on last night. I thought I heard a dog growl outside my door/window.
Then there were cars and stuff going past.
Then there were lots of noises that kept me awake for like, ever.

Now playing: Silverstein
Haven't listened to them in a while.
Just got 2 Killswitch albums from Scott, together with 2 A7x and Nathan King.
I'm glad I have new old music.
I should have a listen to the new Killswitch album too.
Soon.

I have an unsettling feeling in the pit of my stomach, a good unsettling feeling.
Its the feeling before you get on stage in front of a massive audience, the feeling you get before something good and exciting is going to happen.
Sort of like pre-rain season and you know its coming.
That could be my spirit or me being sick. lol.

I bet all you who read this are, by now, bored or have already closed the window or moved on to facebook.
"Damn she talks a lot."
I do.
Thus the reason for the blog so you don't have to actually hear my voice.
HAHA.
Saves you the pain.

Oh, "Supermassive Blackhole" just came on.
Okay. I guess I should get ready for school.

I thought I was a fool for no one, oh baby I'm a fool for you.

eliZABeth 8:51 AM

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Love Actually

I know its not christmas yet but I'm feeling it!
And I'm going to spend Christmas with my mother so no love for me.
Boo.

Anyway, I remember when I watched that movie, it was with Joee. I think.
Pretty sure cos we were really excited about the girl singing in the show.
She's amazing.
And the little drummer boy. So cute.
Yeah okay. Good for all you drummers out there.

It is honestly the best movie about love I've ever seen.
Crazy, on a stick.

"Driving you home is the happiest time of the day for me."
"Leaving you is the saddest time of the day for me."
At least that's what I think they said.

The trouble with love is, ...

eliZABeth 11:16 PM

Monday, July 27, 2009

Some people don't learn, some people don't want to.

Credit: Flickr

Barely a star in the sky, a pair of eyes stared intensely into the space between the bars above.

It was a reminder of the past - the cool blast of wind, humid and fierce, yet calming but this time slightly different.

Another pair of eyes joined in.

"You don't have to be here you know."

"I want to."

Silence.

The strange pair of eyes, comforting.

It spoke again, "Do you...?"

"Yes."

That's how I wish it went. But no.

It was warmer the way it is and words would have been just wrong.

Yeah.

I don't think I've learnt.

But I will.

Despite that,

I had a pretty good weekend.

Inspire conference was amazing.

God was there and I know He's always there.

He's a good one my God.

He knows I like 1-on-1s and everything He does is so personal, its incredible and I don't need anything else.

But, you know being a girl, is pretty dumb sometimes.

Stupid girls.

Sometimes being a boy would be better.

But only sometimes.

I think its time.

If I had a chance for another try, I wouldn't change a thing.

eliZABeth 4:09 PM

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Pointless and yet

I really enjoyed today.

Choir and band were AWESOME!

Then there was talking to Waisale, Terry and Hyelim.

After that was a nice good chill out until church.

Then church was really good.

We had Pastor Ray ordained today.

Wayne and Libby Huira are speaking and leading worship tomorrow I think.

Unless I misheard and understood them.

Then there was the hang out after church.

Hang outs are always good.

At every level of interaction, it still forms fellowship.

It also depends on the extent of the fellowship people want it to be.

I guess we could go with learning/studying each other.

Has anyone read the love dare or seen fireproof?

Yeah. That's where it's from.

I still love every one of my friends.

And I really love God as my father.

Couldn't ask for a better Daddy.

I asked and he gave!

Thank you for showing me a hint of what is to come.

Its a good hint thanks, although it might not be seen to carry through.

I believe in something greater.

Same photos. I know. Still love it though.

Love you guys.

Jesus Messiah, name above all names, blessed redeemer, Emmanuel
The rescue for sinners, the ransom from heaven
Jesus Messiah
Lord of all

eliZABeth 2:07 AM

Thursday, July 23, 2009

September

Never was a cloudy day.

Why are you downcast oh my soul?

A wise soul once told me, if its not love, don't lose yourself by putting your 100% into something.
I would add on to say "but love as God does."
And I know I do. Feel free to correct me anytime.
As much as I want this, I know I can't right now.
But I'm afraid of losing.
I hate losing but I know when to just suck it up and do better next time.

The greatest miracle of today was a very good lunch break with Adam, Sarah J, Sarah C, Maramena, EP and Dom!
And after lunch, there was...my piano minor results.
It's a miracle I actually passed.
Thank you God for that.
I was really freaking out but I didn't do too badly.
I hope it wasn't because they knew I could do better.
I love the piano but it doesn't love me.
Its unrequited love. The instrument doesn't work for me.
Sad.
At least my voice does.
And sometimes my writing and very occassionally, my guitar.

I miss Winnie.
Someone who knows me for me and gets that I am...who I am.
Proud, obssessive, indecisive, sometimes too decisive, and etc.
I don't know what positive traits there are but I love her for loving me all the same.
Thank you for always being there and I'm sorry that that one time I let my emotions get the better of me and I almost lost myself for real.

I want to see Delirious? live before I die. Or before they die. lol.
I hope.

I have Vision College Tour dresses. -.- okay shirts.
But they might as well be dresses.
I must say that the tour band is improving tremendously.
I hope we do awesome tomorrow and I sway correctly, clap correctly, shout "comin'" the right number of times, everyone's pitching and a lot more.
Anoint the band Lord. Thank you Jesus.
Amen.

eliZABeth 5:52 PM

I like it like that

That I don't have to return to pain anymore.
That I can see where it all started and ended.
That I know what happened and what lies ahead.
That although my future isn't CLEAR, it is DEFINED.
That I know I need unshakable faith, hope and love.
That I HAVE unshakable faith, hope and love.
That I still try.
That I still can.
That I am still here.

I like it like that, that I am able to love again, and love another and love others and give a damn.

Thank you Jesus.
I love You.
And only then can I say that.
I wish I could say I love you.
I might.
One day.

eliZABeth 1:04 AM

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

I might be crazy

Will I be a complete idiot to say I do?
I probably am.
But from all the logical reasoning, its not me.
Its happened before and I didn't cave in just because.
Help me understand.
Give me a few more weeks before I come to a verdict.
Meanwhile, someone please standby CPR, just in case my heart fails.

If only you knew.

Bring me a song and I'll sing for you

eliZABeth 5:12 PM

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Man I have serious issues.

I do. I really do.
Character ones anyway.
I really hope I can be more consistent.
Of course I don't expect it to magically happen, I would actually need to give myself a little boost by starting it off somehow.

I've been thinking more.
And its been simple yes or no questions that I think about and yet they turn out so complicated because they're painful to answer.
Because of that, if I want to care for people, my answer has to be no but if I care for myself, my answer would be yes.
But I guess it could work out if I actually asked people.

Hmm. I never thought of that til I typed it out.
Well, we'll see.
Its divine timing I'm waiting for and its divine timing I want.
It will then rest well with my soul and everything physical and spiritual.
It would be amazing.

But I also need help to guard my heart.
Still have to no matter what.
Things happen that are going around and its always got a season and some kind of epidemic going on in that time.
My heart better watch it.

Okay. I'm pretty sure I should be sleeping now but no, apparently I'm too excited about what HAD happened. Which is kind of dumb cos everyone is probably already asleep.

Love you Sarah J!

Love you Mara!

Love you Adam!

Love you EP!

And thanks!

That's what you get when you play a country song backwards.

eliZABeth 4:12 AM

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

I love you so

That's a sweet song by Nick Kraenzlin.
Love it.

Just got back from hillsong conference and it was...
nothing short of interesting.
Notice the word amazing does not appear.
But the only thing I can describe as amazing in that conference was God.
God was amazing.
If not for God, that conference would be a total bust for both the organisers and the congregation.
But I really have to thank EP for telling me it was amazing when he went because of all the questions and criticism, I was thinking once again about why I'm going for this conference and what kind of heart I would be bringing when I'm there.

But what I got was good.
Now, being able to reflect upon everything, Thursday was definitely the best day.
It was the day that I could spend the most time with God and actually hear his voice instead of having people talking and yaking their day away and distracting me from the things that God wanted to tell me.
I think that Hillsong isn't happy clappy, but sometimes they are.
It comes to the point where silence is awkward and there shouldn't be silence, but silence is sometimes good.
As much as the Hillsong team was driving the worship, so were the people, and it was the heart of the people that determined where it was going.
Israel Houton was good, solid praise. From where I was, it was amazing, not just technically because they are a good bunch of musicians, but spiritually too.
If you don't look at them individually, you could see that they were a team and not one of them stood out but they were unique.
I admire that.

So whatever was discussed with the people, I essentially wiped out of my mind.
Thank you God for New Zealand and selective hearing.
HAHA.
Anyway, I've never been homesick before, but I was.
I MISS SARAH J, AND MARA, AND EP, and even ADAM.
Yeah, that's amazing isn't it.
Love them.
AND I WILL SEE YOU KIDS ON FRIDAY!

Lots of love!

His glory appears like the light from the sun
Age to age He shines
Look to the skies, hear the angels cry
Singing holy is the Lord

eliZABeth 2:22 AM

Monday, July 13, 2009

I've been thinking

"Marriage isn't fireproof but it doesn't mean fire won't come.
It just means that when fire does come, you can withstand it."

I just thought I had to watch it again.
I have a lot more to learn about God's love before...anything.
It's amazing how God reveals himself to people in different times.
He made me realise after this trip how much I love where I am and how I'm blessed here with great friends and more great friends and absolutely wonderful tutors.
As much as I cannot stand some people I cannot help but love.
Something has changed and I don't know what it is but it is good.

Thank you God for this.

I will not give credit nor discredit anyone from anything.
Unshakeable faith, unshakeable hope and unshakeable love - thats what we need.
The conference wasn't EXCELLENT but it was still good and the best part of it was God.
God was present and in a lot of situations, it was God that made the best of the situation.

Thank you God for friends, family and this country.
Thank God for you.

eliZABeth 1:30 AM

Monday, July 06, 2009

Off to see the wizard

The wonderful wizard of oz.

OF OZ OF OZ OF OZ OF OZ
The wonderful wizard of oz.

So I'll be in sydney in about 12 hours,
Exams are over,
I just stayed up til 4 or 5 mixing 3 songs and mastering 1,
I don't exactly know what I'm packing and I'm gonna kill myself soon.
Seriously, if I keep doing this I might die.
At least the conference doesn't start til tomorrow night and the morning sessions begin at 9.30am (Australia, Sydney).
I hope the people I want to meet, I get to meet and that I can bring something back from the songwriting workshop.
I have a feeling its not going to be as good as Pat Pattison but somewhere there.

Apparently someone didn't take the exam for their major.
I wonder if they'll be back next semester.
Being angry at him does me no good.
So instead, I'll just channel this energy to pray for that poor soul.
Matthew 7:1-5 isn't for 1 person but for all.
Stop quoting scripture out of context.
Aside from Matt 7:1-5, maybe he should try:

Ephesians 4:25-27
Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body. "In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.

and

Galatians 6:4-5
Each one should test his own actions. Then he can take pride in himself, without comparing himself to somebody else, for each one should carry his own load.

So, bringing his whole past to me and saying I will never understand him is an understatement.
I WON'T understand. That's for sure.
But if he's living as a child of God and respecting his parents and loving others, I doubt we'll be in this mess.
I don't expect perfection but I do expect reason and logicality.
So boy, take that log out of your eye for my pity for you has caused me to pray while your anger has caused you to sin.
Meanwhile, I'm going to the place you came from.

I hope I get to talk to some of them there.
HILLSONG!
I'm half excited and half not.

All I'm prepared for is amazingness.

See y'all in a week!

eliZABeth 11:02 AM